HANUKKAH--Hey, Jews! Happy Hanukkah! (To learn more about the Jewish celebration of Hannukkah, see pg 10. of the paper) WSH

In synogogues and homes all over the world, Beginning at sundown, Free

MUSIC--Crucify me if you like, but I believe the lush guitar noise of Seattle's Kinski makes Kevin Shields' three-chord distortion sound like the jerky motions of a second-rate bar band. Kinski does more than just turn up their amps all the way. They transport you. See them live! With Silkworm, ...Then Poland. JS

Satyricon,125 NW 6th Ave,243-2380, 9 pm

FRIDAY DEC 22

MUSIC--She doesn't play off her cute factor, and she knows her way around her instrument, thank god. She's the tough leading lady of boy-girl duo Mood Swings. You'll love her smart, unwavering screams and his clamorous drumming. Though just starting out, they've got enough passion to make their future look pretty rockin'. JS

Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, 226-0430, 9:30 pm, $5

CHEAP ART--Forget crappy bath soaps and stripped candles from Urban Outfitters. Reading Frenzy has cheap, unique art that makes a fantastic present: original illustrations by local superstar artist Martin Ontiveros, fake fur hats by In Love We Trust, jewelry by Susan Beal, and hand- knit bunnies by Sonja Ahlers. KD

Cheap Art Bazaar, Reading Frenzy, 921 SW Oak, 274-1449, through Dec 30

SATURDAY DEC 23

INDIE LEGEND--Alex Chilton! The definition of indie, and one of the world's greatest paradoxes: Even with his own #1 songs and with tribute songs to him by REM and the Replacements, Chilton has managed to elude fame for nearly four decades now. Heading up his on-again, off-again Big Star, Chilton drags his proto-punk above ground for a rare show. PB

Big Star & The Posies, Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 8 pm, $20

 

MIDNIGHT MASS--Hey, Catholics! Happy Christmas! (To learn more about the Christian celebration of Christmas, see pg 11. of the paper) WSH

Midnight Mass, In Catholic churches all over the world, 11 pm, free

MONDAY DEC 25

DIM SUM--C'mon, it's Christmas day! And only Martha Stewart-wanna-be's are slaving over that hot stove. So let's go to Dim Sum! Grab all your friends, huddle around a huge table, asChinese food of every delicious variety is whisked around you on metal rolling carts! Hey... Baby Jesus loves Dim Sum... and so should YOU! WSH

Legin Restaurant, 8001 SE Division, 777-2828, 10 am to 3 pm, $2.25 & up per plate

TUESDAY DEC 26

MUSIC--So sick of Christmas carols you feel like kicking a reindeer in the teeth? Take relief in 3rd and Failing (no, not the streets, the band), who will be playing tight, hard indie rock, light enough that you'll feel it in your knees but solid enough to keep you dancing. KD

Medicine Hat, 1834 NE Alberta St, 778-7700, 9:30pm

MUSIC--Shopping, parties, presents, booze, candy. The holidays are a shock to your system! The Holidays, however, are a jazzy, four-piece trip to calm and goodness. You deserve to see them--this season's almost over! See Music pg 17. JS

Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, 226-0430, 9:30 pm, $4

THURSDAY DEC 28

DJs--Portland is home to so many DJs, that it's hard to know which ones to go hear. Know this: Izm, Wicked, Rising Sun, and Uni-T. All local DJs, all kick-ass. Combined, you will hear a good sample of hip hop and house, spun taut and loose, but held with a tight, rhythmic string. KD
Ohm, 31 NW 1st Ave, 223-9919, 9pm, $5

FRIDAY DEC 29

REKKIDS--(I am a hypnotist.) You love vinyl. You love the weight of it; its scratchy sound; the extra-large cover art. You love it when it comes in clear red, or marbled, or when it's a special edition picture disc. You want to bring your records to the Vinyl All-Night Listening Party. You will not bring Frampton Comes Alive. I will bring Ciccone Youth and the Fan Modine. Then we will dance. JS

Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 9 pm, $5

NEW YORKERS--With all the jazz improv going on here, you'd think Portland was NYC's Knitting Factory circa 1997. Tonight, check out some of the greats who were actually there--contrabassist Ruben Radding and saxophonist Wally Shoup--as they get their bleaty, free-form groove on. JS

Medicine Hat Gallery, 1834 NE Alberta, 282-4083, 9:30 pm, $6

IMPROV--Christmas plays are such fodder for parody: cheesy Santas, stuffy carols, stale chestnuts. Come and watch the Brody Theater chop it up at their improv Xmas fest, It's Your Wonderful Life. KD

Brody Theater, 1904 NW 27th Ave, 224-0588, Fri-Sat, 7 pm, $10

MUSIC--It is possible to go from a tiny little label to a giant evil one and still maintain your integrity. Don't believe me? Come see Modest Mouse, the world's only non-sell out band on a giant label--original music that drips of jaded, melodic guitars and bursts of sporadic, harmonious vocals. KD

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 225-0047, 8:30 pm, $12

1201--Private Party. Call club for details. Four DJs, Invite required. 10pm-10am
Ash St. Saloon--Lava de Mure, Multimedia extravaganza with a fashion show, dance tunes, and molten eruptions. $12, 9 pm.
Arnada--Supervillain. 9pm.
Berbati's Pan--An evening of Greek entertainment
Beulahland--An Evening with DJ Two. Champagne. No Cover.
Biddy McGraw's--Live music with The Clumsy Lovers. Free appetizers and champagne toast. $10.
Billy Reed's--Special a la carte menu, Ben Fowler Band at 7:30. Champagne Toast.
Blue Note--Snuffleupagus, no cover. $2.50 well drinks and micros, $3 Happy hour appetizers and $1 champagne at midnight.
* Cobalt Lounge--Sinner's Ball II, featuring DJ P of Z Trip, Mestizo, DJ Wiggles and DJ Duckee. Prizes for lucky ones.
Conan's Pub--Bring in the New Year with Jesus Presley.
Crystal Ballroom--Party favors, noisemakers and champagne toast at midnight. The Retros provide the soundtrack.$30.
Dante's--Black Angel with DJ Peek-a-boo.
* Darcelle XV--Three hours of drag, from 9 to midnight. Dinner package is $60 per person, and includes show, toast, and breakfast. $35 sans dinner.
Egyptian Tomb Room--New Year's Bash, prizes, dancing with DJ Andy, buffet 11pm-4am.
Fernando's Hideaway--Full course meal, dancing, champagne, Spanish grape eating ritual where one must eat 12 grapes at midnight. $50 per person.
Henry Fords--Party with Lyle Chaffe starting at 7pm. Party favors, free cab service from midnight-3 am.
Jimmy Mak's--Tony Starlight at 10pm, dinner package $30 per person, $55 per couple. Entry/no dinner: $15 per person, $25 per couple.
Lotus--Two DJs, Z100 Broadcasting live in the Cardroom. Hits of the '70s, '80s, '90s. Starts at 10pm. $10 cover.
* Medicine Hat--The Incredible Kid and the House Party DJ Posse
* Mt. Hood Meadows--Dinner buffet, lift ticket and fireworks display. 10pm. $50 per person.
Ohm--New Year's Eve show w/ Dahlia, Odyssey, CNSE, Rico and Rock
* Roxy--Open all night, as usual.
* Satyricon--The Denim Demons, The Owners, F-Option
Saucebox--Dinner 5:30-10pm. DJ dance party 'til 3am.
* Spare Room--Prime Rib & sautéed shrimp dinner, party favors, glass of champagne, music by Larry & Teri at 9pm. $50 per couple.
Tiger Bar--My Regrets
Tonic--Pinehurst Kids, Camaro Hair

FILM--What better way to ebb away your throbbing headache than watch a bunch of self-satisfied Danes search for their "inner idiots." The second in Lars Von Trier's afflicted women series, The Idiots follows around a group of middle-class women who have chucked their jobs and pretend to be mentally retarded. Horrifying, incredibly sad, but somehow you can't help laughing. PB

Clinton Street, 2522 SE Clinton St, 233-1597, 7 and 9:30 pm, $7

ART--Okay, so the holidays are over, but let's not forget the homeless are still out there. Portland artist Debra Beers presents a gentle reminder with her popular on-going show, Bill, wherein she constructs portraits of the homeless using found objects. WSH

Mark Woolley Gallery, 120 NW 9th Ave, #210, 224-5475, Through Jan 27, Free

WEDNESDAY JAN 3

MUSIC--If the band name "Death by Stereo" conjures images of over-dramatic preteens who listen to too much Marilyn Manson and write bad goth music after getting jacked on coffee and minithins, you are WRONG! They’re actually gleeful punk rockers with just the right doses of metal and pop. Smash your head on the innocence! JS

Paris Theater, 6 SW Third, 224-8313, 9 pm, all ages