I, Anonymous is the column where YOU write your most secret confessions and insane rants—anonymously! Sure, it's a great way to get stuff off your chest, but it's also a way for you to become FAMOUS—anonymously. The best rants or confessions are chosen to be featured in the print edition of the Mercury (read weekly by hundreds of thousands), and if it's especially interesting/crazy/well-written it's picked for inclusion in the I, Anonymous podcast (a monthly comedy show hosted by Portland's funniest person, Caitlin Weierhauser—join us on March 7 for our next show) that has a potential listenership of MILLIONS! So submit your great anonymous story here!

Want to know what kind of I, Anonymous submissions are chosen for print and our podcast? Here's a classic I, Anonymous from June, 2013.

I Don't Want to Hear About Your Period. Period.

We aren't "girlfriends"; we are coworkers. While I appreciate the work you do, I'm confused how I warranted the discussion of your period in the short time we’ve worked together. A simple allusion to your time of the month is fine, but it’s gross when you say things like, "I am leaking EVERYWHERE today!" or "Once this day passes, it'll just be brown spotting.”

Someone saying "Good morning!" is not an invitation for you to yell, "Well, not when you've had to change your pad three times in an hour!" Just because we have a uterus and a vagina doesn't mean we're friends; we all have anuses, but did you ever hear me talk about my explosive diarrhea? No, you did not! Because that’s grossly inappropriate and unsolicited information!—Anonymous

Got a good secret/rant? Submit yours here!