I, Anonymous is the column where YOU write your most secret confessions and insane rants—anonymously! Sure, it's a great way to get stuff off your chest, but it's also a way for you to become FAMOUS—anonymously. The best rants or confessions are chosen to be featured in the print edition of the Mercury (read weekly by hundreds of thousands), and if it's especially interesting/crazy/well-written it's picked for inclusion in the I, Anonymous podcast (a monthly comedy show hosted by Portland's funniest person, Caitlin Weierhauser—join us on April 4 for our next show) that has a potential listenership of MILLIONS! So submit your great anonymous story here!

Want to know what kind of I, Anonymous submissions are chosen for print and our podcast? Here's a classic submission from the I, Anonymous vault.

Dear Gassy Boyfriend

Fart whenever you have to, damn it! Fart when you wake up. Fart when you drink your morning coffee. Rip ‘em on the way to work with the radio stupid fucking loud. Fart when you pass Carl the IT guy’s cubicle. I don’t fucking care when you fart, as long as it’s not when you’re asleep in bed with me. You have all day to yourself to fart, and yet you hold them until you get home, when you’re in bed with me, and rip something so catastrophic, you made the dog get up and leave? So, yes! This is why I fart when I’m in the shower with you! This is the reason!—Anonymous

Got a good secret/rant? Submit yours here!