This Memorial Day, I finally got to peek inside Wilhelm's Portland Memorial Funeral and Cremation—the gargantuan mausoleum in Sellwood with Illuminati-looking imagery on its facade and that strange (but beautiful) Great Blue Heron Mural painted on its lower west-facing wall.
I've always been drawn to macabre subjects (last year I even wrote the guide for "How to Die in Portland"), and I've been wanting to check out Wilhelm's since reading Courtney Ferguson's Mercury story about it in 2012. Not much has changed over the past six years, but honestly, I don't think much has changed at Wilhelm's for several decades—the velvet furniture and elaborately carved wood-panelling looks like it belongs in a David Lynch movie about vengeful grandmas.
Wilhelm's definitely lives up to the hype, but I'll admit I felt pretty nauseous after exploring the building's eight maze-like floors—it's a lot of death to take in. Here are a few things I learned while touring the 117-year-old mausoleum:
(1) Shag carpet can hold some weird smells. Okay, I was already aware of this, but my nose was alarmed by the buffet of fragrances on display, ranging from what smelled like cat pee (note: how could cats even get in there) to gardenia-scented old lady perfume. Also, there are literal miles of shag in every color of the rainbow.
(2) The fake flower business must really be booming. Again, thousands of fake flowers in every color of the freaking rainbow.
(3) Wilhelm's infamous Rae Room is either really romantic or really creepy. Inside the small enclave there are two marble sarcophagi containing the solid-bronze coffins of lumber magnate George Rae and his second wife Elizabeth (his first was declared insane and institutionalized). George died first, and Elizabeth fought tooth and nail to have the crypt built before her own death in 1942. There's a truly fascinating backstory to the Rae Room, but I was most intrigued by a stained glass window that reads "The End to a Perfect Day." Still can't tell if that's sweet or sinister.
(4) There's a humungous, multi-story fountain and people actually throw pennies in it. Like, for good luck. This proves my theory that people have (a) no shame and (b) zero fear that a trickster ghost will hear the deepest wish of their soul and make sure the opposite comes true?!
(5) They've got vacancies! In one of the great halls there was a piece of paper taped to a marble wall bearing the message "FOR SALE: Inquire at the office."
More pictures of stuff like human hair braided around a fake orchid and stained glass of beautiful Pacific Northwest landscapes after the jump!
CORRECTION: An earlier version of this blog post stated that Wilhelm's is only open for three hours each year, but it's actually open seven days a week for visiting families and prearranged appointments (namely guided tours and events). We regret the error.
