Hey! Are any of you celebrating your birthday today? If so, be sure to show up at the restaurant where the person who wrote this I, Anonymous works—because they want to tell you to "FUCK OFF." From "Nobody Cares About Your Birthday" from the I, Anonymous Blog:

Hey guess what, when you go out to eat on your birthday, unless you're 5 years old, DON'T ASK THE STAFF TO SING TO YOU!!! You're a grown adult, ask your friends to sing to you! (If they're your real friends, you shouldn’t have to ask!) We don’t give two shits about your birthday and you don’t deserve a free meal! If you have people in your life that care about you, they will buy your meal or a piece of cake. I’m sick of people that think they’re entitled to some free food and a song from fucking total strangers! I don’t mind singing for a little kid because that is cute and kids deserve to have a special day. But you're an adult—so act like one and buy yourself a scoop of ice cream! Happy birthday and fuck off!!!

Aaaaand maaaaaany mooooooooore! Got a rant, confession, or aggro birthday wish to share with the world? Drop it off in the I, Anonymous Blog—and if it's super good, we may run it in the print edition of the Mercury, OR read it live onstage at the monthly I, Anonymous Show (coming up Wednesday, December 4 at Curious Comedy Theater!)!