This just in: People are being super shitty to grocery store workers. Look, I get it. You are wicked stressed out, and being around all those potentially infectious customers, while not being able to find what you think you need, makes you nervous and irritable. HOWEVER! Some of you are just fucking awful to grocery employees and YOU. NEED. TO. STOP. In fact, even if you're being "nice as always," that's not enough. You need to be SUPER EXTRA NICE to make up for all the shitheels that are ruining the days of these heroes, and... oh goddammit. This is supposed to be about someone else's rant, not mine! And with that I give you a brand new submission to the I, Anonymous Blog titled, "The Staff of Your Local Grocery Store Fucking Hates You." (Guess what it's about!)

We are over it. Your total fucking lack of ability to follow guidelines put out by state and local officials. Your disgusting panic buying. Your endless unreasonable fucking suggestions on how we should run our business during this insane pandemic. NO, we don't have any toilet paper. NO, we aren't going to wear mask and gloves. Those items are needed by healthcare workers. Wash your hands, wear a mask, and your own gloves if you are so concerned. NO, we aren't going to personal shop for you, even if you try to pay us under the table you rich inner SE fuckheads.

Also, social distancing isn't our job to enforce. We are busy just trying to keep the store stocked and sanitized. You people are home all day? Do you not have access to the same news that we do? Oh, the biggest FUCK YOU to the people coming into our stores every single day to buy a single drink or a piece of chocolate. You are putting us at risk because you don't know how to shop in bulk? Grow up and take this shit seriously. Sincerely, the very upset crew at NSM.

Got some good advice (in the style of a rant) to offer the buttholes of the world? Send it to the I, Anonymous Blog, because... really, what else are you doing right now?

[Oh, here's another idea! If you need a laugh, tune in to some past episodes of the I, Anonymous Show podcast, in which hilarious comedians hilariously dissect I, Anonymous submissions like this one!]