I know this advice only applies to .000001 percent of Portland’s population… and yet?

That said, how about we give the whole unicycle and bagpipes thing a rest once the sun goes down. Last night you spent an hour aimlessly riding through Sunnyside and the shit got old after 10 minutes. At the very least learn songs from a different fucking movie.

A lot of you ride metaphorical unicycles and play metaphorical bagpipes. This applies to you, too. Meanwhile… got a rant or confession to get off your chest? Send it to the I, Anonymous Blog—it’s a nice place to be (metaphorically).

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)