UGHH! Don’t you just hate “tongue-cluckers”?

I don’t know why you found it necessary to shake your head and cluck your tongue at me as I walked by, but for some reason you just really needed me to know that you had no interest in petting my dog. I didn’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk as you approached. In fact, I pulled the leash in closer. So maybe if you weren’t walking around with your head up your ass, you would have seen me taking precautions and being a responsible pet owner.

I didn’t read anything after “cluck your tongue”—because I hate tongue-cluckers! Don’t anybody better cluck their tongue-clucking tongue at me, or I’ll cluck them UP!! (By the way, do you have a rant or confession to share with the world? Send it to the I, Anonymous Blog—which is a real mother tongue-clucker.)

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)