FYI: Here are some handy “do’s and don’ts” titled, “So You Want to Hit on that Cute Asian!”

Don’t:

1.) Say how you always wanted to date/fuck an asian girl because I’m not an item on your bucket list.
2.) Tell me a story about how you dated a black girl once in middle school. Yeah, I understand how you are trying to “subtlety,” tell me you are down with the brown, but it’s not working.

THE MORE YOU KNOW. Check out all the helpful advice here, and if you have any rants or confessions to share with the world, please drop them in the I, Anonymous Blog—which is totally down with the brown.

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)