The New Yorker can suck it. Because here is everything you need to know about surviving tomorrow’s earthquake (which will occur at exactly 8:42 am)—courtesy of ANONYMOUS!
The stuff you need for your just-in-time lives will go fast… so here are some Do’s and Don’ts: Do stock up with a bunch of water, canned food, pet food, TP, tampons, Top Ramen, etc. Do approach this as if you will be camping for a while (estimates are several weeks to months). Yes, I know that is a lot of stuff which equals a lot of $$$. You will thank me. Also pack some cold medicine, anti-diarrhea medicine (chances are good that unsanitary environments will give you the shits within the first week), wet wipes, hand sanitizer, flashlights and like I said, all your camping gear. Here are your two Don’ts: 1) don’t wait till the ground is shaking to gather your supplies and 2) don’t say that your plan is to come to my house and sponge off me, you dumb fucks.
You may have some survival tips of your own, so why not share them here… and while you’re at it, drop off your own rant, confession, or life-saving advice in the I, Anonymous Blog—which is like a colony of cockroaches that will survive anything.
