Today we feature a person who is happy to get a paycheck, but… waitasecond! He has to work with PEOPLE?!? He didn’t sign up for this!

To the two fucks who insist on clipping your fingernails in your cubicles: I hate you both even I am friendly enough. Who waits until they get to work to do shit like that? With every ‘clip, clip, clip’ sound coming from your desk, my anger and desperation grows. And the “old guy”, the guy who’s been there the longest: must you cook (microwave) your breakfasts at work?

Of course he has more complaints! Read them all here, and if you have a rant or confession you’d like to get off your chest, drop it off in the I, Anonymous Blog—where you can “clip, clip, clip” your worries away!

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)