I'm too much of a pussy to confront you people in person, so here I am. You're my new coworkers and I already hate all of you. This "career" of mine, if all goes well, will be 'the one' for the rest of my working life. This is it and it saddens me, the torment I know it will put me through. To the two fucks who insist on clipping your fingernails in your cubicles: I hate you both even I am friendly enough. Who waits until they get to work to do shit like that? With every 'clip, clip, clip' sound coming from your desk, my anger and desperation grows. And the "old guy", the guy who's been there the longest: must you cook (microwave) your breakfasts at work? I know your marriage must be miserable and you likely can't wait to leave your house each and every morning, but couldn't you at least eat a quick meal at home? Who waits to prepare their meals at the office? The worst part is the mundane office chatter that you HAVE to engage in. Do I really have 30 more years of this shit to look forward to? Is this what hell on earth looks like? I used to think Office Space was a hilarious movie, but not anymore. It was a mere hour and a half, while my personal hell will seemingly last a lifetime. Fuck me.
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