Guys! Why are you making things so COMPLICATED for this person??

I just wanna fuck, is that so hard? I don’t want “cheap,” I want some type of connection, but that connection will definitely include fucking. I want you to come over and fuck me without any bullshit. And yeah, I’d love it if you left within the hour following said fucking. I would also like to be friends with you… like, we could hang out, go out for food, watch a movie, get drunk, hang out with friends… all of that. Again, I don’t want cheap, I just want an understanding… but why can’t I find it?

Hmmm… sounds complicated. Anyway, read more here, and if you have a confession or rant you’d like to share with the world, drop it in the I, Anonymous Blog—where I wish things were more complicated.

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)