A window at the Mercury office was senselessly broken yesterday immediately following our charity yard sale. So who was the perpetrator? Here are your clues, Blogtown Crime Crackers!
• A robot-shaped punching dummy (which mysteriously went unsold) was directly outside the window.
• A somewhat inebriated Alison Hallett was heard outside telling someone to “PUNCH IT HARDER!! PUNCH IT HARDER!!”
• The sound of shattering glass quickly followed, and when we responded to the noise, we saw the robot dummy rocking back and forth, glass all over the ground, and a REGULAR BLOGTOWN COMMENTER dashing away from the crime. And we were left with a broken window.
CAN YOU GUESS WHO PERPETRATED THIS DASTARDLY CRIME?
It was me. You guys didn’t even know I was there, did ya? Chuhuhu.
Wasn’t Colin, he doesn’t have the time to do this considering the length of his posts. ujfoyt was sitting on a bench at a playground, sweating. Todd was busy trying to craft a joke that is more self-centered than Kiala’s twitter account. I would say Graham, but he is much more likely just to find the perp and call him an idiot. Dang, ya got me!
Wasn’t there an anarchy protest a few blocks down on Sunday?
I broke the dam…
I break hearts, not windows.
Well…it is MY twitter account after all. And last night, I selflessly gave a spam account free reign to spew links all over it so there.
This was also shortly following the mysterious disappearance of Joneser… hmm
ALIBI: I was drinking Old Crow at Magic Gardens with Frank Cassano. Ask him.
I hear tell Alison Hallett was halfway to Old Mexico before the glass hit the ground.
I suspect that Rosy did it, but I’m voting for myself just to get more attention.
I’m just glad that I wasn’t a suspect. Clearly my reputation for unflinching honesty precedes me.
I can’t believe I’m the only one who voted for Leaky, though!
I say that it was Steve and this was all a ruse to distract from his dastardly plan of mayhem.
Sounds like the robot did it.
WE BROKE THE WINDOW. WE MISTOOK THE DUMMY FOR A CYBERMAN. OUR BAD.
It’s nice to finally be exonerated.
Suck on that, crowd “wisdom!”
Dalek Thay did it!
Hmm, oddly enough my wife wrote me this after talking to someone at her bust stop near our house:
“…she said Thursday a guy came over to Chinese restaurant and began busting out windows w screw driver. Including owner’s car. He caught him. Took 15 mins for police to arrive then they let him go.”
Hmm
oh dear, “bus stop”, although I’m sure some Ladies of the Evening use that as a “bust stop” too.
The bust stops here.
Bust stop: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tieA5wfcgH4
My sources tell me that the Mercury has received a repair quote from the “Heeven-Stumphrey Glass Co. Ltd.” (and for some reason I can’t find anything about them on Angie’s List) for $1,250.00.
Who’s idea was it to put the dummy in front of the window? WHO, STEVE, WHO?
When do we get the official story?
What is the guilty party’s punishment?
The guilty party should probably receive an F in Applied Physics, an honorary doctorate in Advanced IRL Trolling, and an endorsement deal from Colt 45 Blast.
The fact that no one thinks I did it makes me shake my recently-bloodied fist at all of you in RAGE.
it was the one armed man…
or Matt Davis…
both seem nefarious, and they are suspiciously absent…
Patrick
THREE votes? am capable OF EVIL!!!!
I am proud that at least 2 people think I am evil enough to do something like that, although with an inebriated AH cheering me on, I don’t know what I might try.
I don’t think of you as capable of evil, L, but perhaps there *is* a Dark Leaky…
So why hasn’t Colin been arrested? (Or, well, all I’ll say is that “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson is an excellent story.) IS THIS A DEMOCRACY OR ISN’T IT?
I say we take down to the Police station everybody who has more than 4 votes for questioning and some old fashion police brutality and hazing. (that will do it).
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
My spirit has transformation powers, see?…just like pokemon…fuck, I meant, just like Golden Hell Beast.