The same 5 or 6 trolls comment on every IA post. Rick, Chunty,Youarewrong… You are all sad and worse than anyone posting here. You are the self proclaimed douche patrol trying to kick the IA soapbox out from any and every IA post. Most likely you are all transplants, hipsters, and don’t have any fulfilment in you own lives so you have to snidely comment and joke about other’s clearly bad experiences.
Portland Mercury staff, perhaps you should consider removing the comments section of IA or consider refusing the right to not allow comments to IA posts.
Cue the bobblehead troll patrol…

[Editor’s Note: Sounds like a poll to me! HEY I, ANONYMOUS READERS! Do you think the I, Anonymous Blog would be better served by getting rid of the comments section? Or just kicking out certain commenters? Please bear in mind this is NOT a binding poll, and we’ll still do whatever we think is best. However, we’re interested in your feedback. Feel free to offer other solutions in the comments… though it might be in your best interest to remain civil on this particular topic, hmmmm? Yes? Yes.]

54 replies on “I, Anonymous Trolls”

  2. Buuuurn the witch! Burrrrrnnn. Also the option of “keeping the comments; they bring nothing…” I vote for that one.

  3. Where’s the choice for ditching I,Anonymous completely?

    I can’t speak for the rest of my hard-working co-commentors but i promise to never ever post here again if i know the Mercury reading public is safe from all these wretched, vapid and horribly misguided qwerty barfs foisted here every day.
    I consider it a community service (and quite well done if i humbly say so) that anyone bothers to read,(if possible) parse, interpret and humanely reject these half brained and utterly whiny opinings that would otherwise fester and ferment into bike lock throwing and other anti social behavior.
    Pick any random I, A from today and tell me what sort of a harelipped newby would take offense to the comments before taking offense to the I,A itself.
    Yes some of us obviously are calloused and enjoy the process of verbal evisceration a little too much but jesus christ you, editor, are putting compositions such as THIS before us:

    At Least Something Makes Me Feel Good
    POSTED BY ANONYMOUS ON WED, MAY 6, 2015 AT 3:59 PM
    Lately it’s getting stoned and watching the old videos for All the Small Things and What’s My Age Again and fantasizing that that adorable Tom DeLonge is my gay lover.

    That’s it? That is the quality of thinking and content and complaint that you are trying to shelter here? 32 words of drivel? The wino outside of the burnside 7-11 gives better quotes mumbling to himself.

    Most of these I,As are actually difficult to insult properly because they suck so bad. You are fortunate to have a compost crew such as this to break this waste down.

    So barrel the whole thing I say. Shut it down and call it good.

  5. I got a better poll idea: “Should the current glue sniffing hipster in charge of ‘vetting’ IA posts be fired and replaced with someone who doesn’t allow obvious trollbait?” The problem isn’t the commenters, its the fact your staff chews paint chips when they’re busy not green lighting every dimwit’s submission.

    Now back to your usual stream of bike, car and New Seasons rants.

  6. Troll = transplant? Pa-leeeeeze. If anything I’d have to say most of the “trolls” (read : witty mofos), on here are 100% Oregon grown and locally sourced. If you can’t handle it get better at your wit craft and duke it out with these homegrown assholes proper. No one like a crybaby.

  8. I’m shocked and saddened it has come to this. The commenters try so darn hard to work things through.
    Sure there will always be haters of talent. There is no pay and long hours.

    Many here are one step away from forensic experts, but don’t brag. In times like this, it is no surprise jealousy fuels the rants of some of the things that get through customs. Once again, we will carry on until the staff circles the wagons and pulls the plug on us.
    You don’t know the half of it. So shuttlie!

  11. One would have to read the comments on every post to notice that the same five or six people comment on every single one. Maybe anon just wants them banned because it’s like a glorious wreck that they can’t look away from.

  12. Those fucking trolls ruin it for all the rest of us. Case in point, this thread is posted by the Merc staff in the first place. They are the ones who incessantly bait everybody. Get rid of the Merc staff and let the people have I/A. Don’t be mislead by some phony poll results, fabricated to give the Merc veneer to censor free speech.

  13. I look at most of the I,A submissions as creative writing prompts, to be honest. I thank each and every stupid one of you for making me a better writer. Not even joking.

  15. ^ yeah, and when that does happen I’m sure you know of about a half dozen hideaway spots at PSU to lay low in. Provided PSU security doesn’t find you and kick you out.

  16. I don’t get it. At 20 yrs and they send me to Namn to kill the enemy?? At 36 they give me Ronald McDonald…(I mean Reagan) to trickle me. At 44 Bill Clinton gave us a balanced budget..and a surplus (figures audited by Arthur Anderson and Assoc.) HOW? keeping us out of WAR! It worked, but THEY had to ruin a few peoples lives (there will always be Casualties for the Cause), found about Minxy Monica and spent a fortune Trying (that’s an oxyMoron) Bill, “losing” but wrecking a few more lives along the way. Along comes “Dubya”. sorry folks my Baby Baby wants me to wrap it up to watch Reese in Wild. that sounds kinkier than it is…or is it?? All right honey don’t yank my hand.. Keep I/A the way it is. It will survive this. There’s been pitfalls before Remember Occupy…God I said the O word. Bye

  18. Ricky – as if your mental issues weren’t apparent enough in your “I am finally quitting my trolling” IA submission(s) a few weeks ago (and you not being able to quit), that little rant above cements them in stone. Now you are biting the hand that feeds and sustains your pathetic life…? Calling the merc “worthless pieces of shit”, “shame is yours alone”, etc. It is a damn internet comment section for crying out loud!

    Merc – please don’t remove the comments. As you can see, there are some people on here who take them very seriously and rely on them as a primary source of their self-worth and enjoyment in life. Portland can’t risk denying these folks their daily fix / soap box….lord knows what would happen if they left their keyboards for 15 minutes and had to face the real world.

  20. You never answered my question JTR. Why do you need me so badly?

    When was the last time you made a comment that didn’t involve me?

    Why don’t you go ahead and address your own mental issues before pretending you know what mine are?

  21. In case the subtlety is lost, Rick seems to think that everyone’s a troll, but himself. He will stoop to the lowest levels imaginable, simply in order to stay at the top of the Merc’s list of ostensibly Top Commentators.

  25. But seriously, I don’t want anyone banned. Not even Rick, who takes himself and this circus way too seriously. I think most readers come here not only for the rants but for the cutting (and, occasionally, thoughtful) comments, too. Banning even a group of the commenters would only lessen the interest many readers have in coming here.

    And, frankly, given the low number of comments that many Blogtown posts get (often, zero) the editors should be happy that I, ANON still attracts commenters. (That’s assuming they want hits, and that the whole Mercury web presence isn’t an elaborate fake-storefront money-laundering scheme.)

  27. Todd, right why Does WSH fly to Venezuela every two weeks? Ostenibly to see his kid, but why does he always bring back 400 of those porcelin dolls? It kind of makes you have to think for a second. Very meta.

  28. The default setting displays the threads without comments, anyway. If you don’t want to read the comments, don’t click ‘comments;’ but what the heck. Let’s just ban everyone, and name I/A, ‘The Icky Rick Stephens’ Show”.

  30. Todd,

    I think you’d find me taking myself a lot less seriously, if JTR (A.K.A. Cyber-Herpes) could go 1 week without creeping on me.

    Guess we’ll never get back to the calmer side of RickStevens based on that criteria.

  34. WHAT SUCKHEAD-DUMDUM TAKES THESE COMMENTS SO SERIOUSLY THAT THEY THINK WE MUST BE STOPPED??? MAY A FLOCK OF BALD EAGLES POOP ON THEIR HEAD AND THEIR APPLE PIES BE FOREVER TAINTED WITH TOO MUCH SALT.

  35. FYI Gordo, it looks like Cyber-HPV (Fartie) is back and no longer in remission.

    I think I need to start informing future partners that I have 2 dudes that can’t stop thinking about and cyber-stalking me.

  36. Rick, I feel like this is getting serious so I feel like I should tell you that I have been cheating on your sister with your cousin. Also I sold your cousin to some Canadiens for , I think, About $12.

  43. Maybe the Merc has been told we are breaking some rules. The long on going fights that are crazy are part of the problem. Hostility towards fellow commenters are fun,but some go too far. I know I love commenting, and my friends give me likes. I always try to give myself likes, because of course I like my comments. So I always get three or four.

    No one should be banned. The possible suicide rants that come in have been pretty well received, but I guess no one reads them. I wish the Merc would do something about this. That is a lot to put on us, when most of the commenters are afraid to joke because the Ianonie may be serious.

    We are not suicide hotline. In the real world, we know we’re talented. Just having fun.

  44. Candy.

    I’m very happy you’ve found the LIKE/COMMENTING RATIO validation you need (noting 3 at the moment, good job kiddo, pat on head, talent, etc).

    BUT. Life is very hard and people react to that in exaggerated ways in comment threads. The good side of innermet anonymity is how it lets people without any other outlet to tell people that they are alone or depressed or have tried to kill themselves. This isn’t something you can easily bring up over breakfast. “Pancakes, maple syrup on the side, coffee with sugar, I ate a bottle of pills to stop the blinding goddamn horror I wake up to every fucking day” is unfair everybody. Ideally, the person blurts it out anonymously, relieves some pressure, gets a Hang In There Kitten and lives another day.

    HOWEVER. The other side has asshats who blow off steam by saying things they would never say in person, particularly to somebody in actual IRL pain LOL. HEY KILL YOURSELF LOL or IMA RAPE YOU LOL or FAGGOT FAGGOT USA LOL or DIE IN A FIRE LOL (which been conveniently abbreviated, and how charming is that).

    Maybe it’s an age thing. I’m An Old, maybe vitriol doesn’t bother The Youths as long as it’s on a screen. Can’t imagine that will last forever. Too much typing, sorry.

  45. Hopefully certain “gold star / platinum / diamond” commenter(s) take the responses and direct call-outs in this thread as a clue that being overly dramatic / serious / whiny / and sharp tongued (all in a “this shit really means a lot to me and is more than just the internet to me” way) is pretty annoying. It kills the whole mood of what IA is supposed to be and takes things to a level that is just weird and a little scary….

    When you are throwing around words like “stalking” to describe those that call you out on here for being inconsistent with positions taken in past posts or just being a flat out dick – or just occasionally toy with you -, you probably aren’t cut out for IA.

  46. ^ Thank god we have YOU to bring balance and sanity to the world of I,Anon. You’re doing God’s work JTR. We’re all lucky to have you here.

  47. Jesus, guys.

    JTR – I think we all know that I love to fuck with assisse, but note that I don’t do it on every thread, because I realize that it would become very very annoying to everybody if I did, and I’m really only trying to annoy assisse on a regular basis (and everybody else on a less consistent basis, but mostly I try to keep it whimsical). Can you please just quit fucking with Rick, easy and amusing as it is? Or just do it less?

    And Rick, stop letting him fuck with you! Seriously this would not still be going on if you didn’t write a 5 paragraph response every time he takes a jab at you.

    Play nice, fuckers!

  48. ^ FWTBT,

    It’s been a few weeks since I’ve given that douche (JTR) more than a few sentences in response to his neverending/wannabe psychiatric diagnoses. I have no plans on going back to unabridged responses.

    It’s really not my problem that he’s incapable of letting things go. Maybe more folks should take that issue up with HIM instead of me. I’d like to see some sort of detente (believe it or not), but I’m not gonna hold my breath hoping JTR will let this all go.

  49. Let what go, Ricky? This is a damn joke…a freaking internet comment section…and one that is by its very nature a place full of sarcasm, joking around and other tomfoolery. I don’t have anything to let go, no ill feelings toward you, and if you were halfway sane and weren’t such a roaring little pantiewaist, you would see things the same way.

    I am guilty of somewhat enjoying your squirming and incessant whining, though. I will admit that. I guess there is also a part of me that hopes I can help you reform your ways and blossom into the cute little man you were always meant to be – before the internet sunk its fangs into you and took over your life.

    FWTBTrolls – I don’t respond to ricky on every thread. He comments on literally every post, nearly immediately, and I just don’t have the time to keep that kind of pace. I would say I respond to about 20% of his comments…and only the ones that are particularly cringe-worthy or that mention me (or talk about banning “bullies”, “stalkers” etc.)

  51. ^ Do you ever get bored of coming up with ways to say the exact same thing? Try spicing things up a bit dude.

    For example, have you ever considered changing “ricky” to “rickeeeeeee?”

  53. Nobody reads this blog except for trolls anyway. What with facebutt, twitter, and even lame assed Google +, and what’s it’s space, what differences is any of this here going to make? Even the hard copy street edition of the Merc is mostly just used as blankets by bums who sleep on dogshit in the park.

  54. When do we get to find out the “list” of bullies? Everyone seems to know who they are except me. What’s up? Also, WSH does this mean that all the other polls ARE binding?

Comments are closed.