Dear annoying girls who can't handle their booze:

I understand that you can't handle your beer, and therefore can only manage to communicate in sound decibels only detectable by dogs—otherwise known as screaming to us grownups. But seriously, do you realize you're in a wing shack and not at a sorority party? Thanks to you, I didn't get to enjoy my conversation with my friend over your high-pitched squealing. We couldn't hear ourselves, or the wonderful music playing around us. I mean, how can you be that oblivious as to how much you, and the drunken hiccupping donkeys that you call friends, are annoying everyone? Do you think it's okay to behave like shrieking hyenas in public because you happen to spray tan and blow out your hair? By the way, everyone applauded your exit. Next time, why don't you keep it on campus.—Anonymous