Appropriate that the first cover is an ode to consumption.

How about an in depth conversation about why it's so hard to get good potpourri these days. I mean are people hoarding? Is synthetic eucalyptus just as good natural?

How about a cover story on pot, or sex? That'd really smash some journalistic barriers down.

"Where To Buy Your Homemade Gifts This Holiday Season"

"Venture Capital is the New Philanthropy"

"Was it dog poop or human poop?: A Pearl resident accidentally crosses Broadway for the first time"

"15 Cupcakes So Good You'll Think It's An Actual Cake"

"How To Break Up With Your Valet"

"Curation of Artisanal Foodstuffs is the New Punk Rock: Inside The Mind of Portland's Most Audacious Pickler"

"The MAX Goes Out There?: 23 MAX Stops You Didn't Know About"

Streetcar Bums: Human or Clearly Not?

"Portland's Top 200 Divorce Attorneys"

"North of Vaughn Street: Take An Adventure Into The Great Unknown!"

"Cheap Drinks Issue - Best Places To Get A Martini For Only $15

"Did Ponchos Ever Really Go Out of Style: Two Great New Looks For The Holidays"

Ask "Dr" Sally: Why cant guys be satisfied with a handjob??

"Is the black person in my condo garage stealing that car? Oh wait - looks like they own it." What to do when you can't tell!

10 Best Long Lunch Spots

We know, some days you just really need to throw on something freeing and work out some problems with friends for a few hours. Here are the best places to post up with a plethora of cocktails and tasty plates.

Yoga Studio Guide

If you're just getting into this ancient art, or looking for a change, we help you navigate the Pearl's 752 yoga studios with grace. Bonus: where to gear up for less than $1000, guaranteed!

Also in this issue:

18 Buildings That Need To Be Turned into Condos, Like Tomorrow: Slabtown Edition

Dealing With PNCA Weirdos: "This Shirt Costs More Than Your Life"

Will LEED Certifying Your Extra Bidets Truly Impress Your Friends?

Scourge Of The Pearl: Ending Lowbrow Lounge's "Everyman" Reign Of Terror

Luxury Gondola From The Pearl To North Mississippi: Making The Dream A Reality

Overcoming PTSD: North Pearl's Day To Day Struggle Living With A Safeway

Goddamn y'all are some funny mutherfuckers.

50 Places to leave your little cute dog shit.

Yoga Pants, Let's drop the "Yoga" part to that and just wear them as everyday pants.

Jameson Park: How Should the City Deal with Out of Control Vegitation?

Best Ways to get to Higgens Without Seeing Poors

A Disneyland Version of Portland in Every District: Will the Pearl Remain the only Habital Area of the City?

My Beach, my Chicks, my Waves
Go home, go home
My Sun, my Sand, my Surf
Go home, go home

Man, get off
Hey, you're not a local!

and

Portland Loo - and this is why we can't have anything nice