Valentines 2024

The Mercury 2024 Sex Survey Results!

In which we find out HOW Portland does it, WHO they're doing it with, and WHAT items they're using while doing it!

Submit and Read Your FREE Mercury Valentines!

Did you get a reader valentine? Join the hundreds of others whose valentines are online at!

LAST CHANCE! Take the Mercury's 2024 SEX SURVEY!

It's anonymous, so tell us EVERYTHING! Deadline is TODAY, Friday Feb 23!

Mission Impossible 8: ‘Til Death Do Us Part

No, seriously. How do people make long-term relationships work?

Corbin the Crabby Cupid's Valentimes Valentines!

Print, cut out, and send them to your friends. Or don't... we don't care.

“It’s Over. Check, Please!”

Portland’s Best Restaurants and Bars for Kicking Your Lover to the Curb

I Find My Love Awake

How Paul McCartney's album Ram helped heal a broken heart.

Yes, YES, YES… Valentine’s Day is just another capitalistic ploy to put money in the pockets of greeting card companies, flower shops, chocolatiers, and—okay, maybe newspapers who are desperate for advertising in order to fund journalism because too many people refuse to pay for it online. HOWEVER! There is yet another inescapable fact you should be aware of:


And now’s as good a time as any to sing our feelings of love and adoration for you from the closest mountain top. For going on 24 years, you’ve been reading and supporting the Mercury, and I’m just as shocked as you that we didn’t fold after three months. And the primary reason we’re still around is because of YOU. Despite the near-constant negative messaging from the city’s undeserving ruling class, Portland is a beautiful place with beautiful people who are in, what I call, the “Give a Crap” club. We give a crap about kindness, generosity, justice, and EVERY person who lives here—regardless of their station in life, or the shitty hand they’ve been dealt.

And because you give a crap, we also give a crap. That’s why we work hard every single day to bring you tons of news, entertainment, and laughs. Because you, as a citizen of crap-giving Portland, deserve the best we can achieve. You are worthy, your opinions matter, and we hope you can learn to love yourself as much as we and your friends and family love you

And that’s our theme for this year’s Mercury Valentine spectacular: Loving oneself and each other (and having fun while getting there)! We’ve got articles about the tricks you and your boo can use to keep that LTR lasting as “L” as you can, some simultaneously sweet, sassy, and just downright WEIRD clip ‘n’ send valentines that your equally freaky partner will love, a hilarious run-down of Valentine story ideas that did not make it into this issue, and even the best bars and restaurants around town that are perfect for breaking up (if it comes to that… because we want you prepared for anything).

But most exciting of all? It’s another lovey-dovey, smoochy-woochy, and nether-tingling edition of the Mercury’s Reader Valentines! We’ve been publishing your valentines for FREE every year since day one… because it’s such a fun, romantic way to show the whole goddamn city how much you love that special person (or pets or food) in your life. So check 'em out in our special print issue (available at more than 500 spots around the city) and see if a valentine from your cuddle-buddy is in there… and if not? Check out the Reader Valentines online where there are hundreds more, and YESyou can still submit your free valentines online, all the way up to February 14! SO LET THAT SPECIAL PERSON KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ALREADY, WHY DON’TCHA?!?

We hope you enjoy this year’s edition of the Mercury’s Valentine’s Day issue, and carry the love we have for you into EVERY day of the year. Thanks for reading, and forgive us if you catch us staring longingly at you for a little too long—when it comes to you, we’ve kinda got a crush!

Your eternally adoring pal,

Wm. Steven Humphrey