True tales from the trenches of wedding planning.
Alex Falcone
Alex is a moderately attractive comedian and Internet celebrity. He writes about philosophy, robots, travel, and himself.
Posted inMusic
New Macklemore & Ryan Lewis Video Has A Pirate Ship
So Macklemore & Ryan Lewis got some success, made some money, and what did they do? They rented a pirate ship, a camel, and an Inuit and turned their best song into their worst video. Here’s their brand new video for “Can’t Hold Us.” Sure, “Thrift Shop” is a great comedy song for Youtube and […]
Posted inSex
PSA: You Can Buy Condoms on Amazon
I want to let you in on a little secret. You can buy condoms on Amazon. You never thought of that? It’s great. You can really consider your purchase when you do it on Amazon, without being worried an old lady will walk down the aisle and look at you like you’re a pervert. There […]
Posted inMusic
The Verdict On PSY’s Gangam Style Follow Up
Over the weekend, Korean Drew Carey impersonator PSY dropped his newest instant hit, “Gentleman M/V”. It’s already over 80 million views despite being about a merchant vessel called “Gentleman” (and like all other news stories mentioning the number hits, this paragraph will be outdated almost instantly). Although I can’t tell you why, I really want […]
Posted inSex
Press Release of the Day: Fake Study Says PDX is #17 City For Sugar Daddies
Alison was too disgusted to write about this so she passed it off to me (hint: “Who’s your daddy?” is not a good subject if you want Alison to open an e-mail). A dating website that specializes in rich men kinda buying sex from young women studied its own membership and found Portland to be […]
Posted inGun Club
Five Stupid (But Genuine) Questions For Gun Lovers
I heard a news program last week interviewing people as they left a gun store and they had a lot of really stupid things to say. I’m sure if you asked people leaving the KEEN store their opinion on guns, it would be equally stupid on the other side, but since I live a More […]
Posted inLuv
Dispatches From The Wedding Industrial Complex: I Hate Pinterest
I was told by several people that my fiancee and I should create a mood board for our upcoming wedding. We should find inspiration for decorating our ceremony and our reception, they said. Try Pinterest, they said. You’ll love it, they said. They were wrong. Pinterest is the social network that allows women to share […]
Posted inComedy
Babies With Little Animal Ears
Yes. So very yes. In a couple months I’m going to be an uncle for the first time. My sister had a baby shower, and that meant I had to shop at the Baby Gap for the first time. I like babies. I know, not an earth shattering revelation; we’re genetically required to like babies. […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Finally, Life Is Imitating Action Movies
As a rule, the world is disappointing compared to what movies made me believe would exist. But reading the news the past couple week, I feel like people have been going out of their way to show me reality is at least as good as action films. Brussels Diamond Heist Masked gunman drive in through […]
Posted inComedy
On Female Comedians Getting Hired At Helium
Okay, here’s a dangerous thing. I, the owner/operator of a penis, am going to weigh in on how many funny women work at Helium. But what I lack in ovary-based perspective, I make up for by having been hired at a couple dozen comedy clubs in the last two years. There is no question about […]
Posted inReligion
My Last Pope Post Until He Retires or Gets a DUI or Something
Heavy is the head that wears the funny hat. ๏ปฟI can’t help but feeling let down now that there’s a pope again. Yeah, yeah, Latin American. That’s fun. But… he’s just such a pope now. Even the Catholics I know (and I know a lot. My whole family is Catholic, although I was never confirmed, […]
Posted inTech
Haven’t You Guys Seen The Internet? Food Porn Edition
Let’s all take this moment to promise before God and The Commenters, that we’re going to stop referring to things as porn that are not porn. Pinterest, for example is not full of “food porn” as people keep telling me. I’ve spent a lot of time on Pinterest and I’ve not seen one picture of […]