Sunday’s “Unite the Right 2” rally in DC was, by all accounts, very poorly attended. Fewer than 30 white nationalists showed up and were far outnumbered by counter-protestors. There have been a few reasons given for the lower turnout, including the “bad optics” of last year’s rally and the backlash many white nationalists have experienced […]
Courtenay Hameister
Courtenay is an author, teacher, and columnist. Her book, Okay Fine Whatever, is available wherever fine books about anxiety and sex club burritos are sold.
Posted inFeature
In the Arms of the Cuddler
Marlow Dobbe [Portland author (and Mercury columnist) Courtenay Hameister’s new book, Okay Fine Whatever, documents a year in which she attempted to squash her crippling anxiety by putting herself in the most anxiety-inducing situations imaginable. In this excerpt, Courtenay—who has issues with being touched—schedules a session with a professional cuddler.—Eds.] On the day of my […]
Posted inComedy
Let’s Play “Real Trump Tweets? Or Some Shit I Wrote After Four Rosés?”
ON HIS WRITING SKILLS A: “After having written many best selling books, and somewhat priding myself on my ability to write, it should be noted that the Fake News constantly likes to pore over my tweets looking for a mistake. I capitalize certain words only for emphasis, not b/c they should be capitalized!” B: “I […]
Posted inFeature
In the Arms of the Cuddler
An Excerpt from Courtenay Hameister’s Hilarious and Bittersweet New Book, Okay Fine Whatever
An Excerpt from Courtenay Hameister’s hilarious and bittersweet new book, Okay Fine Whatever.
Posted inNational Politics
What’s She Mad About Now: It Can’t Happen Here
There were people who saw the authoritarian in Trump from day one, and they sounded the alarm. But at that point, we had been crying “Nazi” on the internet for so long, it had become a trope. This inspired attorney Michael Godwin to create Godwin’s Law, essentially saying that the first person to invoke a […]
Posted inComedy
It Can’t Happen Here
There were people who saw the authoritarian in Trump from day one, and they sounded the alarm. But at that point, we had been crying “Nazi” on the internet for so long, it had become a trope. This inspired attorney Michael Godwin to create Godwin’s Law, essentially saying that the first person to invoke a […]
Posted inComedy
Letters from the Liberal Civil War
Letters from the front lines of the liberal civil war.
Posted inComedy
Hitler Crawls Back from Hell to Ask People to Stop Comparing Him to Trump
In an astonishing turn of events, Adolph Hitler, who’s been burning in eternal hellfire since his death in 1945, has clawed his way up to the earth’s surface to make it clear that he’s nothing like Donald Trump. Immediately booked on Tucker Carlson’s show, Hitler seemed super annoyed when the Fox News host opened with […]
Posted inComedy
President Trump Commits Crime Spree, Then Pardons Himself
In a move that shocked but did not appall Republican members of Congress, President Donald J. Trump spent a week committing state and federal crimes throughout Washington, DC, before pardoning himself for a long list of crimes on Monday morning. When congressional Democrats expressed their dismay, the president didn’t appear to have much empathy. “I […]
Posted inComedy
Was There a Mole in the Trump Campaign?
According to Fox News, a government mole met “several times” with Trump staffers Carter Page and George Papadopoulos during the run-up to the 2016 election, prompting the President to “hereby” declare multiple times that he would demand an inquiry into this scandal that was “bigger than Watergate.” But how could a mole infiltrate the Trump […]
Posted inComedy
Question: Is the Current President Qualified to Manage a TGIFridays?
What’s She Mad About Now? MARLOWE DOBBE Dear Mr. Trump, Thank you for your interest in co-managing the Sandusky, Ohio, TGIFridays location. Based on my review of both your résumé and the Washington Post, below are some concerns we have about your current fitness for the position: 1) Social Skills: Here at TGIFridays, name-calling is […]
Posted inComedy
Question: Is the Current President Qualified to Manage a TGIFridays?
Dear Mr. Trump, Thank you for your interest in co-managing the Sandusky, Ohio, TGIFridays location. Based on my review of both your résumé and the Washington Post, below are some concerns we have about your current fitness for the position: 1) Social Skills: Here at TGIFridays, name-calling is a no-no. Last week one of our […]