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Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist, the author of several books, and the host of the Savage Lovecast, Savage is “a deviant of the highest order” (Daily Caller). He does not like to be hugged.
Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Much Obliged

She’s pregnant and feeling hypersexual—but can’t get over being mad at her partner. What to do?
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I’m a happily married pregnant woman. My wife and I have had a bit of a slowdown in the sex department, but nothing too worrying considering my “condition.” During this pregnancy I’ve had an increase in libido, but I haven’t shared that with her. We were having some conflict when I started to experience this […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Homework

Is being queer a test you can pass/fail? And how much studying should one do to be poly?
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I’m a 50-year-old married bisexual American man living in Europe with my wife and kids. The “bi” part of me is still extremely new. Two years ago, I started seeing a sex-positive therapist to address my significant interest (and feelings of guilt about) kink and BDSM. Long story short, I admitted to myself that I […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Poly Under Duress

Some of us start out poly, some of us achieve poly—others have poly thrust upon ’em. 
Avatar photo Dan Savage

Dear Readers: I’m off this week. To tide you over until I’m back, the tech-savvy, at-risk youth pulled some classic “PUD” questions from the archives. A PUD, of course, is someone who is “poly under duress.” Because while some of us start out poly and some of us achieve poly, others have poly thrust upon […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Quickies

Questionable circumcisions, X-rated Instagram, and meet your brand new AI boyfriend! 🤖😍
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1. My boyfriend swears he’s cut. I say he’s totally uncut. He insists he was circumcised as an infant. How do I convince him? Some circumcisions are “tight” (all of the foreskin removed) and others are “loose” (most of the foreskin left intact). The looser the circumcision, the more “uncut” a man’s cock might appear. […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Out With It

“I had an affair with our mutual boss a long time ago… does my hubby need to know?”
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I have a complicated question. I’m a woman in my 30s who has been married for a few years to my husband. We are very much in love and have a wonderful relationship. We met when I was in college, and worked at the same place together. Eventually, we became friends. We maintained a long-distance […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Thirds

Dan tackles the eternal question: Open up a relationship, or slam that door shut forever?
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My partner and I are both AFAB nonbinary queers in our mid-30s and have been together a long time. We don’t believe lifelong monogamy is realistic. We even started our relationship practicing ethical non-monogamy, then defaulted to monogamy for many years. We now have two very young children and are planning a third in the […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Quickies

Sexy gardeners, bend-over boyfriends, poly jealousy, and more in this quick ‘n’ nasty edition of Quickies!
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1. I’m an 81-year-old heterosexual woman whose husband died last May. I have found that my 56-year-old gardener of fifteen years can make me sexually happy. But now after four months he says he’s not respecting his wife by having sex with me. He relates this to going to a Catholic priest for confession. He […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Parent Trap

Should I Open Pandora’s Box with My Elderly Parents?
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I’m a gay man in my fifties, comfortable in my skin, but I suffered severe bullying throughout school, which was often abetted by teachers. A recent class reunion prompted me to write a tell-all letter to the current school director regarding that trauma. His gracious response was incredibly healing. My family has accepted me since I came […]

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SAVAGE LOVE: Cissies

How to decode the behavior of cis het men. 
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I am a 45-year-old femme-presenting genderqueer AFAB person. When I have romantic relationships with cis het men, I’ve noticed two general types: They either enjoy sex and prioritize pleasure and making things fun for their partners and themselves, but make no special big deal about it, and we usually have frequent enough sex and that’s […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Quickies!

Trauma turn-ons, sweet chastity, a life without kink, and lots more quickie Qs!
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1. What if I’m turned on by my own trauma? What do I do with this?  You do therapy with it. And then after you’ve worked through your trauma with the help of your therapist (which includes unpacking your feelings about being turned on by your trauma), you can — taking the tiniest of baby […]

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