Dan Savage

Joe Newton So, my husband (42-year-old straight male) and I (38-year-old bi female) have had a closed relationship so far, but we have an active fantasy life. We’ve been together for about four years, and we both had our fair share of partners (casual and serious) before that. We like to talk about fantasies involving […]

Joe Newton I have a friend who is a trans man. Recently he just got out of a shitty relationship. His ex suddenly lost interest in him and wouldn’t work with him on fixing it. He’s heartbroken. He told me women often reject him once they find out he is trans and he’s tired of […]

Joe Newton I have a fun little labeling question. I’m a non-binary person who was assigned male at birth (AMAB). I gravitate towards femininity in life and in love. My question is about the inclusiveness of the label “lesbian.” Is this a label only for women? Or is it inclusive of everyone who is feminine […]

Joe Newton I’m a 44-year-old gay male and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I would like to find my way into an LTR, but I have a series of overlapping dating issues that I don’t know how to navigate. First, due to my career, I move around a lot, and often don’t see […]

Joe Newton I want to correct you on something you’ve said repeatedly: a man can “hide” his bisexual orientation. I disagree. I felt my boyfriend was gay or bi immediately, but he flatly denied it. But it was so obvious! He sucked at sex, he never initiated, and he was clueless about female anatomy! I […]

Joe Newton I’m a 33-year-old straight female, been with my husband for ten years, married for six. When we first started dating, I was an extremely jealous person. Fortunately, I got it under control with lots of therapy. But once I did, I started having fantasies about him hooking up with other people. We incorporated […]

Joe Newton I’m a woman in her forties in a relationship with a man and I have my first STI with symptoms. Genital warts—yay! I noticed them about two months ago (near my b-hole) and went to the gyno today and had them treated. My question is, do I need to tell my boyfriend? We’ve […]

Joe Newton Thirty-year-old trans woman here, Dan, and I have a question about what is surely one of your favorite subjects: the “age gap discourse.” About four years ago, I had a sexual experience that I go back and forth on whether to label as sexual assault. When I was 26 years old, I met […]

Joe Newton I’m a cis woman. I had a quasi-relationship with a man last year that only lasted a couple of months. The sex was great, and sexting was always a big part of our connection. Since the breakup, we’ve fluctuated between staying in touch and radio silence, sometimes going months without speaking. During our […]

Joe Newton I’m worried this may be above your pay grade. LOL. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly five years. When we first got together, he shared a fetish with me, which has honestly gotten out of hand. I’m not close-minded and I genuinely love pleasing people, and my approach to sex […]

Joe Newton I’m a 26-year-old masculine straight guy who loves exploiting the fantasies so many gay men have about straight men. When a gay guy is into me because I look like his straight-masculine-jock dream, it’s a power trip like no other. It’s always a specific type of bottom gay dude I seek out when […]

HEY SAVAGE LOVE FRIENDS! Lucky me, I’m going to be in Portland the first weekend of October. On Friday night October 1, I’ll be hosting the 2021 HUMP! Film Festival at Revolution Hall (tickets are still available here!) where we’ll be vaxxed and masked and back in theaters—the way porn was meant to be seen! […]