It’s our opposable thumbs that separate us from the animals, not our insecurity and bigotry. This week, for whatever reason, there seemed to be a media surge of stories about animal psychology. There’s also one article about a zombie dog, and another about Shaq shopping for a tiny horse. We learned that lemurs intentionally play […]
Kevin "the Intern" Otzenberger
Posted inMovies & TV
Border Crossing
Year Four of the Portland Latin American Film Festival
The Portland Latin American Film Festival returns for its fourth year.
Posted inPolitics
“Naked is a Metaphor for Honest”
The Naked Cowboy is running for president. For the Tea Party. I think he may have a few obstacles ahead of him in grabbing a “Tea Party nomination,” since he happens to be someone who makes a living off his own nudity, and is trying to appeal to the same voters who bought THIS TAPE […]
Posted inTech
Best Misuses of Modern Technology Awards
Society progresses. Humanity evolves. The industrial revolution continues to bear the technological fruits of our most brilliant minds. But even the smartest monkey still flings a turd, once in a while. Here’s a toast to those who have gone above and beyond, recently, in finding irresponsible and hilarious ways to exploit the brilliance of our […]
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 3
It’s been a good week for doom. So, what wants to kill me this time? [WARNING: DISTURBING CONTENT—Ed.]: 1. Lions, tigers and bears, oh my! Individually, these assholes are already typical subjects in my column. But this week, as we’ve seen from a ridiculously dense amount of MSNBC coverage, all three of these animals are […]
Posted inGreen
Eco-friendly Packaging Not Worth the Unpleasant Crinkling
Loud enough to drown out enthusiasm for the environment Frito-Lay has announced they’re no longer going to package Sun Chips in those unbearably loud compostable bags. Thank Krishna. I do care about the environment — almost as much as Osama bin Laden does — but like any real American, I only like sustainability that comes […]
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 2
I was going to make this a weekly installment, but I realize now that there are way too many awful things out there that need attention. So it’s going to be twice a week. I’m doubling your dose. Of fear. So, what wants to kill me this week? 1. Dolphins… but wait a minute According […]
Posted inGreen
Bin Laden Switches from ‘Terrorist’ to ‘Eco-terrorist’
Seriously, the worst guy In a newly-released audio tape and jihad scrapbook set, Public Enemy #1 Osama bin Laden shifted his focus this week from “death to the infidel” to “please recycle.” The fugitive terrorist leader noted his concern for flood victims in Pakistan and cited global climate change as a serious concern. Great. Just […]
Posted inNews
And the Award for Ballziest President Goes to Ecuador
President Rafael Correa, after a really unfair fight It’s chaos in Ecuador, today, as hundreds of police officers are rising up against the government in protest of a newly-passed law cutting back their employee benefits. The angry group went so far as to physically attack the country’s president, Rafael Correa, with water, tear gas, and […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
Three Reasons Not to Be a Kid
Kids have never had it so hard. If you’re a kid in 2010, your life sucks, and here’s why: 1.Your girlfriend’s dad is scary as hell A 15-year-old San Jose kid was ultra-cock-blocked last month, when he was handcuffed and intimidated by a police officer for sleeping with the officer’s 14-year-old step-daughter. The policeman told […]
Posted inPolitics
Biden: “Suck It Up, Bitches”
America’s crazy uncle, Vice President Joe Biden publicly stated Monday that the country’s Democratic base should “stop whining.” Biden noted on MSNBC’s The Last Word that Democrats should be able to look at the alternatives and remain confident in their leadership, since “the president has done an incredible job.” He added that Democrats simply need […]
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 1
I’ve been a Mercury intern for about four weeks, and spend all day browsing headlines for disturbing things to blog about. From a post about animal attacks I wrote on Thursday, I discovered something about myself. Nearly all of my ideas are inspired by an innate sense of dread I feel every waking minute, exacerbated […]