For the past three months, I have been an editorial intern at the Portland Mercury. Yesterday was my last day. “So, what was it like?” you ask. Well, let me answer that question with a question. Have you ever woken up inside of a living animal before? No? Then read on… There were a few […]
Kevin "the Intern" Otzenberger
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 7
Since this is my closing week as an intern at the Portland Mercury, this will be the last post in my ongoing series of round-ups about horrific dangers we don’t yet know we should be afraid of. But I hope that with the conclusion of this segment, you will keep this terror thriving on your […]
Posted inTransportation
TSA Wants to Touch Your Junk, Its Employees Don’t
With all this talk about people protesting, blogging, rebelliously stripping or crying while saturated their own urine, you’d think the TSA was some sort of soulless Third Reich-inspired job-networking party for sex offenders. But it’s not. And in the middle of all this outrage, it appears the true victims are being ignored. Latex gloves: not […]
Posted inUncaged
Today in Old Ladies Saying Awful Things
Here are a few unsavory moments, brought you by elderly women. First, Barbara Bush un-tells a key detail of a cornerstone moment in her son’s memoir, then notes she was shocked that this “Pow-La” character had put her fetus into a jar and showed it to George. (Who wouldn’t be?) She then tries to turn […]
Posted inPolitics
Today In Embarrassed Clapping
They do things differently down in South America. Here, we have a group of Argentinian lawmakers shouting through a legislative hearing that looks like it’s being held at a job fair. But amid the chaos, one politician has the sudden brass to break it all up with a moment of clarity. A clarity that comes […]
Posted inEthics
The Three Worst Ideas of the Day
It’s a good day for bad choices. Here are the worst ones so far on this lovely, gray Thursday afternoon… 1) Putting spray paint cans in the oven Firefighters responded to a call in Southeast Portland today to find a smoldering spray paint can in the attic of a woman’s home. The Oregonian reports that […]
Posted inDrunk
Four Loko: A Look At Ourselves
New York Assemblyman Felix Ortiz felt a need to protect his constituency by demonstrating to them exactly what happens when you chug as many Four Lokos as they can in one hour. He’s a brave, brave man. And the experiment and its resulting news segment dive into the real human issues behind the Four Loko […]
Posted inHorrors
What Wants to Kill Me This Week? Vol. 6
It would be too easy for me to point out that we aren’t keeping good track of our missiles these days. So I’ll focus elsewhere. If you believe the feds that it was an airplane, good for you. Somewhere there’s a “weather balloon” laughing at you through it’s facial tentacles. Moving on. What wants to […]
Posted inOh, You Kids!
An Assertive Moment for Metal
Reaffirming the true spirit of heavy metal music, this week, Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett drop-kicked a toddler. Via TheInternetToday.net Physics. Actually, it looks like he was wandering around looking to “Seek and Destroy” some balloons at this concert in Sydney, and he accidentally kicked one balloon that was unknowingly blocked on its opposite side by […]
Posted inCrime
Different Strokes, I Guess
The Oregonian reports today that a Milwaukie man has been arrested and is facing charges for a string of random bizarre criminal mischief. Which man? This man. Photo courtesy of The Oregonian Mark David Siebenmorgen allegedly shoved some guy onto the ground at a bus mall without warning or provocation on Oct. 21. Later that […]
Posted inBieber Fever
H.P. Lovecraft Nightmare 1, Canadian Pop Sensation 0
There’s not much to say about this, except sorry, Wm.™ Steven Humphrey. Coon vs. Coon & FriendsTags: SOUTHPARKEric Cartman,Bradley Biggle,more… Via SouthParkStudios.com
Posted inNews
The Week in British Chaos
Photo by Dan Kitwood / Getty Images “Oh dear, this is really quite dreadful.” The United Kingdom is on fire right now — figuratively AND literally. Top headlines on MSNBC and other media sources this week have been overwhelmed with news about how those Brits are treating each other. What the hell is wrong with […]