Remember the kid who completely lost his marbles when his mom took away his World of Warcraft privileges? Well, he’s back… thanks to this HEEEEE-LARIOUS remix starring the Kirby music from Super Smash Bros.! (I’m telling you, this tune is the Benny Hill/”Yakkety Sax” of the new century!) Please stop putting that in your butt, […]
Drunk
Posted inDrunk
The First Helpful Info From the OLCC All Year
The Oregon Liquor Control Commission took some moments away from its routine business of rapidly creating paperwork for its paperwork and registering bureaucrats for its Bureau of Redundancy to send out this genuinely helpful note: “Check ahead for July 4th liquor store hours: The Oregon Liquor Control Commission reminds customers to check holiday hours at […]
Posted inDrunk
My Oregon Craft Beer Month
I’m in the Horse Brass [4534 SE Belmont] for the Oregon Craft Beer Month kick-off party, puzzling over a Double Mountain Bohemian Pilsner, when the yelling and whistling begins. It seems a table near us has had a tad too much, and in their drunkenness has lost all decorum. The folks running the event are […]
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Bollywood “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe,” Ya’ll!
Usually, I don’t have a huge desire to visit India. There’s something about their music that makes me want to drive a Phillips screwdriver into my ear. That being said, there are certain Bollywood films that are indescribably wonderful, and here’s one of them! It’s the Bollywood version of He-Man and the Masters of the […]
Posted inFashion
The Romper Trend Officially Climaxes
Former Mercury Arts Editor Chas Bowie once advised me that when a woman wears a romper, “it screams, ‘please don’t fuck me.’” What do you suppose this one is screaming? (Via Buzzfeed)
Posted inDrunk
Giving Up Spirits for Oregon Craft Beer Month
Tomorrow is the start of Oregon Craft Beer Month! I know for some (I’m looking at you, soulful-eyed beer hounds) this information is completely exciting. However, if you’ve been reading my blog posts you know chief among my many flaws is a lack of proper zeal for beer. Generally when I’m out for some alcohol-based […]
Posted inDrunk
God Hates Mondays
Here’s a cheerful Monday morning musical message from the Westboro Baptist Church. It’s one hell of a catchy tune and I defy you to keep from singing the chorus all day long. Wait. Wait. I thought God was supposed to love the world. My mistake.
Posted inDrunk
Gooby, You’re Too Creepy to Be My Friend
Ever wondered how cool it would be if your childhood teddy bear came to life? Then prepare to get the crap freaked out of you by this trailer for Gooby. While it may initially seem to be a parody, this thing has Eugene Levy in it, guys! And Robbie Coltrane! And that guy from JAG! […]
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Xanadu + Ludacris = Awesome
Remember Dark Side of the Rainbow? This is just like that except that by the power of YouTube you don’t have to precisely start the music on the third roar of the MGM lion, and because you’re a grown-up now with things to do, it will take less than four minutes out of your day. […]
Posted inDrunk
Some Pedophiles Really Have Low Standards
It’s a sad, but true fact that the standards of modern pedophiles are sinking lower and lower. Thanks to the average child’s increased awareness of sexual predators, perverts are now forced to choose really ugly ones to molest. As proof, check out this PSA from the ’80s, in which a series of creepy dad types […]
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While We’re Waiting for the AG’s Press Conference…
… where Matt will be in attendance and reporting back with all the details, check out this video of a kid completely freaking the fuck out after his mother cancels his World of Warcraft account. I am 98 percent sure this is fake (especially when the protagonist sticks a remote control into his butt), but […]
Posted inBikes
Your Weekend Should Be So Good
I’m stopping briefly during a heavy day of interviews to hit you with some weekend event ideas. Solstice Beer Bash at the Raccoon Lodge Sat., 3 – 9 pm, 7424 SW Beaverton Hillsdale: No, honestly, they will be bashing beer. Or at least bashing a bung into a barrel of Cascade Brewing’s Summer Solstice IPA. […]