First of all, I’m not saying that all those sign-spinners you see on street corners advertising mattress sales or “total liquidation” are meth heads. However, when I see one I always say to myself, “Hm. That person is a meth head.” ON THE OTHER HAND! EVEN SIGN-SPINNING METH HEADS HAVE FEELINGS, GUYS! And it’s a […]
Ethics
Posted inEthics
A Legal Notice to Cease and Desist from Wm. Steven Humphrey
Dear person reading this: It has come to my attention there have been a number of you—let’s say that number is “eight”—who have been flagrantly stealing and repeating my newest copyrighted catchphrase, “Hasta La Vista, Buttfuckers!” This phrase was created solely by me yesterday as I was leaving work. As you may or may not […]
Posted inFood and Drink
My Last Shameful Supper
Hi Blogtown. Soon I’ll be attempting to fill the large and presumably fashionable shoes of Patrick Alan Coleman by taking over the Mercury‘s Last Supper column, but in the mean time, it’s an honor to contribute to one of my favorite Teen/Star Trek/Cat Blogs in the city. I’m on vacation at the moment—actually on my […]
Posted inCats
When They Say “Pink Horse” They Mean A Pink-Ass Mothereffing Horse
Tomorrow night at Bodyvox (1714 NW Overton) there is a big breast cancer benefit sponsored by Let ‘Er Buck—the official fragrance of the Pendleton Roundup (It’s a real thing, they sent me a bottle. It smells like cowboys, only cleaner.) There will be live music by the Hanson Family Singers and the Water Tower Bucket […]
Posted inEthics
The Three Worst Ideas of the Day
It’s a good day for bad choices. Here are the worst ones so far on this lovely, gray Thursday afternoon… 1) Putting spray paint cans in the oven Firefighters responded to a call in Southeast Portland today to find a smoldering spray paint can in the attic of a woman’s home. The Oregonian reports that […]
Posted inBooks
Amazon Pulls Second Round of Pedophilic Books, Concedes to Censorship?
Until Thursday morning, the frankly-titled, self-published e-book The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure: A Child-Lover’s Code of Conduct was available for purchase on Amazon.com, and late Friday the retailer also pulled a book titled Understanding Loved Boys and Boylovers. The books’ removal by Amazon—despite the company’s initially defending their availability on its site, calling […]
Posted inEthics
Porpoises Confer; Decide Not to Murder Dick Van Dyke
According to this story from the Guardian UK, a pod of porpoises conferred and decided NOT to either murder Dick Van Dyke or let him die of his own senile stupidity—even though there was no one around and they could’ve totally gotten away with it. From the Guardian: Van Dyke’s ordeal began during an ill-fated […]
Posted inPoll
Who Should Wash This Pie Plate?!? (A Blogtown “Ethics in Modern Society” Poll)
Here is the empty pie plate that’s currently sitting in our office kitchen, and will probably be in the exact same place two years from now. Why? Because no one currently employed by the Mercury knows how to wash a dish. That’s why we need you Blogtownies to decide: WHO SHOULD WASH THIS PIE PLATE? […]
Posted inEthics
Paxton Gate
San Francisco’s off-kilter gardening store Paxton Gate is opening up a Portland location on N Mississippi. According to a post on their Facebook page, “Two friends of the SF store approached us with the idea of licensing Paxton Gate under separate ownership and we took them up on it. They’ll be carrying a very similar […]
Posted inEthics
Bosses: Better than Boyfriends
From “Footnotes of Mad Men: The Promethean Woman, or, Our Dog in the Parthenon.” For the Promethean woman, most men are a race of confederates, with the frequent exception of two: one’s dad and one’s boss. The latter assumes the role of the former when she becomes an adult. But a boyfriend offers a predestined […]
Posted inEthics
Ryanair Puts Price on about 524 Human Lives at a Time
Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary publicly suggested today that his company rid itself of co-pilots to keep airfare low. His response when asked about whom would fly the plane if the pilot were to become incapacitated: teach a flight attendant to land the plane. “If the pilot has an emergency, he rings the bell, he calls […]