Letters

HUMPY IS UGLY ON THE INSIDE TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: Hey, just wanted to say that your article on “ugly people” is really bad [“I Love Television™,” March 25]. You should really think about attractiveness as a relative term. I work as a teacher of kids, and I see kids expressing your attitude, and I […]

TOO MUCH F–CK, TOO MUCH C—K TO THE EDITOR: I’m an 80-year-old broadie, and had my ‘maiden’ encounter with the Portland Mercury on Friday around 2:45 pm [March 18, the one with the gang bang feature]. I read it all the way through, and decided the humor is pre-adolescent. Sorry. I distinctly remember my boys […]

ANN ROMANO: AMATEUR BUTT-PLUG TO THE EDITOR VIA DRUNKEN VOICE MAIL: “Well, I don’t really know if you can get this message to Ann Romano or anything. But since she calls the Attorney General a professional a-hole [“One Day at a Time,” March 18], then that must make her an amateur butt plug. And as […]

THE PASSION OF THE CHRISTIAN TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: I picked up a copy of your paper recently, and was impressed–though not favorably. In one place you comment that Christianity is a “fucked up religion” [Film, Passion of the Christ review, Feb 26]. Christ was flogged and beaten and spit upon so that you would […]

OUR BEST FRIENDS ARE NEW YORK JEWS TO THE EDITOR: I was extremely surprised to see your paper print a long-standing anti-Semitic slur. This is in Ann Romano’s review of Mel Gibson’s The Passion [“One Day at a Time,” March 4]. The line reads, “After SO FALSELY being accused of anti-Semitism by a number of […]

IS NOTHING SACRED? TO THE BLASPHEMOUS STAFF AT THE MERCURY: I’ve been reading your shit rag for too long. You don’t have any respect for anyone or anything, you kick people when they’re down, and then spit on them. You think you know it all and only listen to others when you think you may […]

GAY MARRIAGE TODAY! YAY! TO THE EDITOR: S.F. Mayor Gavin Newsom undertook a very brave and bold act of civil disobedience [“A Gay Union,” News, Feb 19]. In direct defiance of the state law defining marriage as an act between one man and one woman, he instructed city offices to begin issuing marriage license to […]

PORN CLERKS ARE INTERESTING DEAR MERCURY: Thanks for interviewing Rob Delevere over at Hard Times Video [“Employee Picks,” Jan 29]. Even though I’ve never met the guy, much less shopped at his store (seriously!), I found his skin flick reviews quite clever and amusing. Which just goes to show that porn clerks can make for […]

HEY READERS! We’re devoting our entire letters section this week to Mercury Reader’s Valentines–so if you want to call us “miserable cunts” you’re going to have to wait until next week. But before we get to your lovey-dovey notes of amour, check out this week’s… WEIGHTY TOPICS OF OUR TIMES IF YOU MISSED last Friday’s […]

IOWANS AM NOT DUMB TO THE EDITOR VIA VOICEMAIL: “Yes, this is for Ann Romano–I know she thought she was being cute and witty with her comment about Iowa and the internet [One Day, Jan 29, in which Ann notes that Iowans were unaware of Howard Dean’s internet campaign because they’ve never heard of the […]

HUMPY TO THE RESCUE! TO THE EDITOR, VIA VOICEMAIL: “Wm Steven Humphrey, I need your help immediately! I’m at Billy Ray’s Dive here on MLK in Northeast Portland, where somebody is showing old Aquaman cartoons here in the bar as we speak. I don’t know whose idea this was, but they need to be stopped […]

KUCINICH IS KU-RAZY TO THE EDITOR: I’m amazed your interviewer didn’t ask Dennis Kucinich about his book, A Prayer for America [“Strong to the Finish,” Phil Busse, Jan 8]. Let me quote from the chapter “Spirit and Stardust”… “Spirit merges with matter to sanctify the universe. Matter transcends, to return to spirit. The interchangeability of […]