Letters

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE DIMINISHED TO THE EDITOR: I was on the bus today and found a copy of the Mercury newspaper. Answer a question for me. Do your mothers come get you at the end of the day, or do you sleep over? It has to be written by 14-year-old boys. I was 14 […]

DIRTY, FILTHY TRENCHMOUTH DEAR MISS KATIA: This is Laurel Tree and yes, that’s my name, but I’m not in the telephone book because I live with someone else. Occasionally I pick up a complimentary copy of your “publication” at my local Plaid Pantry out of curiosity definitely not for the same reason I buy the […]

AND NOW A WORD ABOUT HOO-HA HEALTH TO THE EDITOR: No wonder “Getting It” is so fond of massaging showerheads; with such a narrow-minded approach to hygiene, it’s probably all she can “get” [Letters, Feb 21, in which the writer advises women not to use soap on their hoo-ha’s]! OF COURSE smart girlies know better […]

NPR FAN TAKES UMBRAGE WITH ANN DEAR ANN ROMANO: I just read your critique of Terry Gross, “one of the monotonous interviewers on ‘Fresh Air’” [One Day at a Time, Feb 14]. Actually, Ann, she’s the host, has been since 1973, and she’s a blazing intellect. Five days a week she interviews an astounding assortment […]

LESBIANS NEED TO HAVE MORE SEX TO THE MERCURY: I truly love your paper; I read it religiously, proselytize about it endlessly, and devoutly nurture a secret crush on Katia Dunn. But I believe I might have found a pretty big error in “Sex Survey Results 2002” [Feb 7]. The “Who’s Havin’ the Sex?” chart […]

JOSÉ, MAYBE! BUT WHERE’S MY WALKEN? TO THE MERCURY STAFF: HA! I heap scorn and derision on the majority of your choices [“Top Ten Greatest Actors in the World, Ever!” Jan 31]. Okay, I have to admit that José Ferrer was an inspired choice, but we’re getting away from the subject. Gary Oldman, only #10? […]

I LOVE HUMPHREY, AND I LOVE GAZOOBAS DEAR MERCURY: Just wanted to commend the editor on singling out the Mercury‘s “Worst Writer of the Week” [Jan 17 & 24]. It’s high time the editor of a paper has the gazoobas to call out her or his staff in a public forum when their journalistic endeavors […]

THE COMEDY UNIVERSE REVOLVES AROUND ME WHAT’S UP, MERCURY: How’s yer taint? Yesterday I saw this box of hair that was totally, like, second hand. I thought of Carl, you know? SPLAT! He could have been schooled, I mean it. Did you get any of that? Think it was funny? No? Well there’s no reason […]

L.A.: THE MORAL CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE DEAR WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: I find it shameful and unethical that you would give one of your own events, the karaoke night at the Blackbird [Jan 6], the attention it got in the Mercury. I came up to Portland from L.A., where the two major weeklies (New Times […]

EVEN JESUS LOVES THE MERCURY TO THE EDITOR: I just want to say I am impressed with the way in which Katia Dunn reported “The Big Tony Hawk in the Sky” [Feature, Jan 3]. Though Christians are certainly not exempt from their share of extremism, I think the liberal media often times nullifies any open-mindedness […]

BURN, BABY, BURN! DEAR EDITORS: A decade ago, I argued with friends and family that the Supreme Court decision allowing the right to flag burning would actually nullify this inarticulate act. I believed that making the “taboo” legal would wash most of the shock right out of the flag burner’s temper-tantrum. I feel somewhat exonerated […]

WHAT’S WRONG WITH USING THE WORD “FORK”? TO THE MERCURY: A few days ago I accidentally picked up a copy of the Mercury. Curiosity led me to glance through it. Please know that I am not an old “fuddy-duddy.” “Bad language” does not shock me, but it does offend me. Reading through your publication, I […]