Letters

BRING ON THE OPERACYCLE! DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY: I thought you all were supposed to inform the public of above average bands in the Northwest? Who in the hell is the Operacycle and where did they come from? More importantly, who the hell is their insanely amazing drummer and why haven’t you all told me all […]

ANDREW WILL SMASH! DEAR JULIANNE: I would like to respond to your critical and mocking editorial of the Andrew Smash restaurant [Last Supper, Jan 4]. Your taste buds are clearly distorted. Our burgers you claim are joyless have been loved by thousands of meat eaters and vegetarians alike over the past 5 years. Perhaps next […]

WHAT A VERY PLEASANT PERSON! TO THE EDITOR: Just an FYI on Silkworm [Up & Coming, Dec 21]. Joel RL Phelps hasn’t been in the band since 1994. Silkworm is Andy Cohen, Tim Midgett, and Mike Dahlquist. They rocked like sunsabitches at Satyricon last night. Have a nice day. R. Sood The Mercury responds: Wow. […]

JULIANNE’S SECRET ADMIRER DEAR JULIANNE SHEPHERD: You are the Bridget Bardot of words. You are pithy. You are soulful. You are amusing. You like Either/ Or best, too, and, (to quote you) its “quivering intimacy.” [“Up & Coming,” Dec 14] If you were to write a novel it would be like a Ramones song: short, […]

FAT CHICKS CAN’T WIN TO THE EDITOR: As a fun-lovin’, sexually-adventurous fat chick, it was with great interest that I read “I Love Fat Girls,” in I, Anonymous [Dec 7]. My curiosity waned, however, when I got to Mr. Anonymous’ statement reading, “Yet, I can’t be with someone who hates their body because society says […]

THE MERCURY: HERE TO SERVE FROM THE EDITOR: It’s “Customer Service Week” here at the Mercury, and that means we put you, the “customer” first! With this in mind, we’ve decided to devote our letters section to answering your most pressing questions. Enjoy and learn! WHERE CAN I GET ME SOME CRABS? TO THE MERCURY: […]

ANN ROMANO: SUPER-GENIUS? TO ANN ROMANO: I think you are wonderful. Your One Day column has a sarcasm that could only come from the brain of a super-genius. Keep up the political jabs and all-around funnery. You are exactly why I anticipate every goddamn issue. Happy holidays. Patrick A CRUMMY-ASS RAG PUTTING PRICKS IN THEIR […]

NOT A WINNER; PLEASE TRY AGAIN HEY! What about your stupid little Suey Chow drawing contest? [See page 5.–ed.] My submission was a sure winner. I want the money I deserve and my 15 SECONDS of fame. I know how you guys love to be goaded, so here it is: “Portland Mercury is a piece […]

HEY READERS: To celebrate our 25th issue, we’ve chosen some of the best letters from our most persnickety readers! Enjoy! –eds. AND NOW, A MESSAGE FROM VERA KATZ TO THE MERCURY: Our office is unable to fulfill Portland Mercury’s request for a mayoral proclamation. The Office of Mayor Katz does not issue proclamations for commercial […]

MONEY TALKS, LINCOLN WALKS TO THE EDITOR: So is that a wax figure of Eddie Money circa 1984 on the cover of your paper or what [Nov. 2]? Please tell me that isn’t an actual person. Regardless, it’s certainly one of your best covers so far. Scott Gillan The Mercury sez: It’s a photo of […]

NO IDEA WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT…BUT HE SURE HATES TOM ROBBINS TO THE EDITOR: Responding to Sarah Leimert [Letters to the Editor, Oct. 19]. How dare to compare Wm. Steven Humphrey to that garbage scratching muck called Tom Robbins. That piece of chili fungo low scooper smarmy bastard. The scabbing Gallagher creep. Writing with his […]

MONICA: SHE’S #1! TO MONICA DRAKE: I really enjoyed your article What Would Your Parents Think? I found it to be an interesting study in the confluence of self-expression, sexuality, and family relationships. Your story captured the essence of three very diverse artists, and exposed some issues that many people probably wouldn’t even consider. Thanks […]