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Posted inComedy

Who Iโ€™d Cast in the Fire and Fury Movie

(Or, Why Hasn’t Hollywood Hired Me Yet? Are They Stupid?)

Americaโ€™s going ga-ga over Fire and Fury, Michael Wolffโ€™s literary soap opera about Trumpโ€™s first year as president, and everybodyโ€™s wondering one thing: who Iโ€™d cast in the inevitable film version. So here are my 100 percent on-the-nose suggestions, youโ€™re welcome, and any Hollywood mogul whoโ€™d like to hire me as casting director should contact […]

Posted inComedy

This Week in Gossip: A Royal Wedding, a Feminist Uprising, and a Severed Foot

(Or, Kim and Kanye Ruin Christmas… AGAIN)

MONDAY, DECEMBER 25 Welcome back to One Day at a Time, dears, and Merry Christmas! We donโ€™t even believe in Jesus, and yet? Who can argue with Christmas? Itโ€™s a truly magical time of year that reflects the best humanity has to offerโ€”like putting othersโ€™ happiness before our own, and ignoring stupid things like โ€œworkโ€ […]

Posted inNational Politics

Remembering 2017: The Issue of the Mercury That Was Written Entirely By Women

[Hey! Here’s another thing that happened in 2017!โ€”eds.] MARLOWE DOBBE If you haven’t picked up the print edition of the Portland Mercury this weekโ€”DO IT! To celebrate International Women’s Day and Women’s History Month, every byline, every comic strip, every piece of art, and every photograph was produced by women or nonbinary people. It’s a […]

Posted inGossip

The Best of 2017 (Part Two)

The Best “Sort Of Okay Things” That Happened This Year!

Dears and darlings! Last week we brought you a bevy of not-so-terrible stories from 2017 (just to prove there were some). And this week, weโ€™ve dug up even more juicy dollops of goodness from the latter part of the absolute worst year ever! So stir up a martini, dears, and get ready to feel almost […]

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