One Day at a Time

[Hello, sweet readers! If there was a single trend that encapsulated 2006, it would have to be the vagina, and all things that come from within. So enjoy this walk down memory lane in a column we like to call “2006, the Year of the VA-HEENA!”—Ann Romano] MONDAY, JANUARY 2 Hollyweird tongues are in full […]

MONDAY, DECEMBER 11 We have a lot to be ashamed of. We realize this. Basically our job is to report on, and then MAKE FUN OF actual celebrities just trying to live their lives. We are problem makers, not problem solvers. That being said, who is this bitch Paris Hilton to tell US that WE […]

MONDAY, DECEMBER 4 Welcome once again to One Day at a Time—where we always tell you why who’s doing what, how, and with whom. Except when it will get us sued. You see, “litigation” is a gossip whore’s kryptonite, which is why veteran tabloids use things called “blind items” where they drop hints about a […]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 27 There’s a new terrible trio hitting the clubs in Hollyweird, folks! And of course we’re talking about Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Britney Spears’ VAGINA. (Or “Va-heena” as our Hubby Kip likes to annoyingly call it.) After the very public and long overdue bust-up with K.Fed, Britney decided to turn over a […]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 20 If you love televised, career-ending train wrecks, then today was the day for you! On tonight’s edition of The Late Show with David Letterman, racist comedian Michael Richards issued a babbling sort-of apology for last week’s n-word-filled rant at a comedy club. In fact, his apology was so uncomfortable, and so close […]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 13 Well, apparently there’s no need for us to frantically root through our closet, desperately searching for a pair of Manolo Blahniks that will go with our Donna Karan—because as it turns out? WE WEREN’T INVITED TO TOMKAT’S WEDDING. The event of the season (in this, or any other galaxy) will be taking […]

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 6 Nothing happened today… TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 7 Because EVERYTHING happened today! Apparently, the rest of the country finally heard the whistle of the clue train, because after eons of letting Republicans fuck up the world for everyone involved, Democrats finally took back control of the House. And yet? We can only muster up […]

MONDAY, OCTOBER 30 God, can we just be done with Kevin Federline already? We’re sorry. Mondays are lousy enough without K.Fed’s inane ramblings and peach-fuzz stubble. But no, we can’t be done with him yet, because well, this is just too embarrassing not to write about: K.Fed’s plans for a big nationwide tour are vanishing […]

MONDAY, OCTOBER 23 Well… well… well. After a year of speculation, guess what we received in the mail yesterday? A wedding invitation from none other than Emperor Klaktu, the grand exalted dictator of Rigel VII, announcing the happy upcoming nuptials of his favorite son and daughter, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, to take place on […]

MONDAY, OCTOBER 16 Kids do the darndest things! While one might think that eight-year-old Bindi Irwin—the daughter of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin (who was murdered by a rogue stingray)—would still be grieving the loss of her father, this rambunctious tyke has already moved on with her life, and is now planning her own nature TV […]

MONDAY, OCTOBER 9 Temper… TEMPER! The hoppin’ town of Hollyweird has been extra touchy this week… so we’re going to tread lightly, okay? Now, there could be many reasons why two cast members of the ABC hit Grey’s Anatomy might want to strangle each other. One might be because they’re on one of the most annoying […]

MONDAY, OCTOBER 2 Important note to everyone who reads One Day at a Time: Not all Republicans are pedophiles. This is 2006, people. It’s time for us to broaden our horizons, and stop generalizing when it comes to entire races of people—and by “races,” we mean the mentally ill—and by “mentally ill” we mean Republicans. […]