MONDAY, JUNE 4 Did anything of any real significance happen this week? Sure… but who gives a crap about that dumb crap? Especially when PARIS HILTON IS IN JAIL! As reported last week in One Day, Paris surrendered herself to authorities on Sunday night, and by the wee hours of Monday morning heard the hollow […]
One Day at a Time
Posted inOne Day at a Time
ONE DAY AT A TIME
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, MAY 28 It’s Memorial Day, which means it’s time once again to take a moment to remember those who, for reasons unknown, mysteriously slip off of the gossip pages, never to be seen again. [Cue instrumental version of “Memories” by Barbra Streisand.] Let us now pay tribute to these fallen tabloid heroes: Jennifer “J.LO” […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
ONE DAY AT A TIME
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, MAY 21 Break out those RU-486 pills, because this is the sexiest Monday in Hollyweird history! First up, Tinseltown ingénue and brainwashed Stepford Wife Katie Holmes is angrier than a poodle in a pigpen over an 18-year-old Illinois virgin who has changed her name to Katee Holmes, and is embarking on a career in […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, MAY 14 Take it from celebrities: Spending time in prison can be very mentally taxing. There’s the bad food, the boredom, the shivving (or is that shanking?)… and sometimes even the thought of prison can push Hollyweird’s high and mighty to the brink of psychological breakdown. Take Paris Hilton, for example. Though it’s been […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
ONE DAY AT A TIME
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, MAY 7 America is rejoicing this week, and why not? PARIS HILTON IS GOING TO JAIL. Yes, we know it’s in bad taste to celebrate the misfortunes of others, but when the misfortunes happen to Paris? All bets are off! However, there are those who inexplicably would prefer to keep Paris out of the […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
ONE DAY AT A TIME
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, APRIL 30 If the trend continues, 2007 will be the year of the apology. Mel Gibson apologized, Kramer apologized, Isaiah Washington apologized, Don Imus apologized (but will probably be suing CBS radio anyway for wrongful dismissal), Alec Baldwin kinda apologized, and this week? It’s our old pal David “Don’t Hassel the Hoff” Hasselhoff, spouting […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
ONE DAY AT A TIME
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, APRIL 23 Okay, even by our low moral standards, the paparazzi are getting way out of control. Britney Spears can’t sneak to the liquor store without 25 photogs on her tail, and last week, even mild-mannered Tobey Maguire slapped the camera out of a photog’s hand. But this one takes the cake! This weekend, […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, APRIL 16 In a truly crappy way to start off any week, a gunman on the campus of Virginia Tech shot and killed 32 people before turning the gun on himself. And while the rest of America struggled to understand the complexities of such a despicable, mind-boggling crime, President Bush briskly summed it all […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
THE WEEK IN REVIEW
MONDAY, APRIL 9 We don’t wish bad things upon anyone. Really we don’t. Okay, fine… we do. Especially when the bad things happen to the crown prince of all douchebags, Joe Francis, the entrepreneur/pimp behind every parent’s nightmare, Girls Gone Wild. For the uninitiated, GGW is a documentary/social experiment of sorts, in which Francis convinces […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, APRIL 2 It’s the end of an era. Britney Spears and former-layabout-now-man-of-the-year K.Fed reached a divorce settlement this weekend. Or to be more emotionally stark, the two “signed a global settlement on all issues of their marriage,” according to spokesman Michael Sands. “Global settlement”? We don’t remember anyone asking for our opinion. Anyhoo, the […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
MONDAY, MARCH 26 Here’s the trouble with rehab… people actually stop drinking and snorting cocaine! Which is fine if you’re not a celebrity, but if you ARE a celebrity, it kind of screws up gabby gossip columns like ours when you aren’t exposing your vaheena while unconscious, facedown in a pile of blow. Example: You […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, MARCH 19 Time moves quickly in Hollyweird, so we guess we shouldn’t be surprised that Britney Spears’ 30-day stint in rehab has successfully come to an end! (If this was a movie, we’d show you a montage of Britney doing push-ups, struggling against her straitjacket, tearfully writing in her journal, doing sit-ups, smoking a […]