MONDAY, NOVEMBER 19 Generally speaking, the week before Thanksgiving is a boon to tortured celebrities. Like the rest of America, the paparazzi is far too interested in locating the perfect 12-pound free-range turkey (sans antibiotics and growth hormones) to nag Tinsel Turd’s finest for photos. Unless, of course, you’re Britney Spears. Today, Brit’s traumatized legal […]
One Day at a Time
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12 UPDATE!! As it turns out, socialite/jailbird/porn star Paris Hilton does NOT support drunken elephants. Today the AP gleefully reported that Paris has been praised by animal activists for bringing attention to the plight of Indian elephants who binge on alcohol, go berserk, and are summarily electrocuted. (The comparison to Paris’ own life […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 5 Strike! Strike! Strike! The Writers Guild of America announced today that unless the studios begin paying TV and film writers what they’re worth (including a cut of DVD and internet dough) America could just forget about any new episodes of Ugly Betty. Hmmm… they really need to work on their threats. Regardless, […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 29 Stop the presses! Oft-beleaguered pop tartress Britney Spears actually received some good news this week—and no, it wasn’t that her STD tests came back negative. Her brand-new album, appropriately entitled Blackout, was released and zoomed to the top of the charts. Naturally, to keep the universe in balance, Britney also needed to […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 22 As 500,000 people fled the San Diego area today to escape the towering wildfires destroying everything in their paths, America only wanted to know one thing: How is that guy who played Frasier? If there’s one thing we learned from Hurricane Katrina (via President Bush), natural disasters are only so interesting unless […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 15 Ellen DeGeneres: PUPPY MURDERER? While many consider Ellen to be America’s Most Beloved Lesbian™, that assumption took a huge hit today when she tearfully confessed on her daytime talk show that her actions caused a puppy to be confiscated by a rescue shelter. Here’s the sordid story: Apparently Ellen and her hot […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
MONDAY, OCTOBER 8 Before you accuse us of having “feelings” or even worse, “a soul,” rest assured that no one likes making fun of Britney Spears’ woes more than ourselves. However, there are also times when we root for the Britta, such as when we read headlines such as this: “Did Britney Beat K.Fed?” Oh! […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day At a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, OCTOBER 1 Right off the bat, let’s make one thing perfectly clear: One Day at a Time is not a fan of eugenics. However, one peeky-poo at the shambles that is Britney Spears and Kevin Federline should prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that hillbillies should be sterilized. Today a judge ordered that […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day At a Time
This Week in Review
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 It’s time again to play, “One Day at a Time’s Despot of the Week”—can you guess who he is? He’s a Scorpio who also happens to be a Holocaust revisionist and perpetrator of unintentionally hilarious jokes about homosexuals—that’s right, it’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran! And today this bloody dictator (and […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 Possibly the most frightening headline a gossip whore may ever read: “Hit Ordered on Kevin Federline?” According to the always reliable, and never hyperbolic (sarcasm) Entertainment Tonight, the show has “several reliable sources that say the FBI and the LAPD are investigating legitimate leads on a contract hit” on K.Fed. Not to […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 “Oh, my God! I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!” No, that wasn’t our initial reaction to our wedding photos—that was Britney Spears last night after witnessing a playback of her performance on the MTV Video Music Awards. As lovingly described last week, Britney shambled through her […]
Posted inOne Day at a Time
One Day at a Time
The Week in Review
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 Here’s an idea: Let’s rename Labor Day, “Sneaky Sneak-Around Day.” (But still take the time off.) Celebs and politicians have realized that if you want to announce something embarrassing or hide something from the general public, you do it right in the middle of a three-day weekend. The hope is that you’re […]