One Day at a Time

MONDAY, MARCH 12 Look. People can complain about Britney Spears all they want, but what they don’t understand is this one simple fact: REHAB IS HARD, Y’ALL! (That would make a great T-shirt, wouldn’t it? Dibs!) This week, the tabs were all aflutter about BS kicking up a stink during her stay at the Promises […]

MONDAY, MARCH 5 Here’s yet another reason to never, ever fly coach. A Northwest Airlines employee has been arrested for allegedly ejaculating on a woman’s back during a flight from Seattle to Minneapolis. According to the report, the off-duty employee sat next to the woman—who requested to remain anonymous for OBVIOUS reasons—and as she tried […]

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 26 The biggest news from last night’s Oscars? Dreamgirls co-star Eddie Murphy was spotted storming out of the ceremony after not winning the best supporting actor statuette—either that, or he was on the verge of a narcoleptic coma after watching host Ellen DeGeneres’ wacky shenanigans. (Pushing a vacuum cleaner? Wearing an Oscar/Baby Bjorn? […]

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 19 Previously on Britney Spears Goes Batshit… As gleefully reported last week, Britney checked herself in… and promptly OUT of Eric Clapton’s Crossroads rehab facility (probably because Kenny Rogers Roasters was having a two-for-one special). Then on Friday, Britta shocked the world by shaving off her locks and installing two new stupid tattoos, […]

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12 Remember last week when we were all fighting over who was going to write the screenplay for Astronaut in Pampers: The Lisa Nowak Story? Well, you can have it—because we’re throwing all our eggs in one basket called Anna Nicole Smith. Her death late last week has gone from mysterious and tragic […]

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5 Did you notice that many of your male coworkers didn’t show up at the office today? Apparently, it was due to some sort of “Budweiser Flu” that always seems to sweep the nation immediately following the Super Bowl. Even more incredibly, the women of America’s workforce never seem to take advantage of […]

MONDAY, JANUARY 29 Gossip: It’s a thirst that can never be quenched! And so, here are a couple gulps of gab to soothe your parched throat, starting with… TYRA BANKS! The former supermodel had a plus-sized freakout this week, when a blogger posted her swimsuit photos on the internet and somewhat callously labeled her as […]

MONDAY, JANUARY 22 Happy “Self-Realization Week”! What’s that? You’ve never heard of this international holiday when we all take a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror, and then take drastic action to correct our glaring flaws? No? Huh… well, it’s very popular. Especially in Sweden. And it’s also very popular in Hollyweird, as […]

MONDAY, JANUARY 15 “I have made a proactive decision to take care of my health,” said the lush-alicious Lindsay Lohan—and NO, she wasn’t talking about her Proactiv acne medication commercials! According to a statement released by her beleaguered publicist, LiLo has checked into the awesomely named Wonderland rehab facility, which may cost a whopping $1,750 […]

MONDAY, JANUARY 8 “New York City’s Gas Smell Remains a Mystery.” That’s funny on myriad levels—one of which is that New York doesn’t seem to know that it’s stinky on a nearly daily basis. The last time we visited there we had to send our fine washables to the dry cleaner twice just to remove […]

MONDAY, JANUARY 1 Happy New Year! Are you ready for your terrorist attack? Sure, you’ve got a hangover and a strange person lying next to you in bed—you don’t have time to wonder what awful things to expect from God this coming year. But then, that’s why we have evangelical crazies like conservative Christian broadcaster […]

MONDAY, DECEMBER 25 The sleigh bells are jing-jing-jingling and ring-ting-tingling too—because it’s Christmas Day and all the Britneys, Lindsays, and Parises are safely tucked away in their beds with visions of va-heena slips and Botox appointments dancing in their heads. So no big gossip today—unless you count the death of R&B superstar James Brown (which […]