Last year, Portland piled on to a group of West Coast cities who say a precursor of agribusiness giant Monsanto tainted their waterways. Monsanto promptly argued the city has no right to file suit. Monsanto was wrong. Late last week, a federal judge ruled that Portland has standing to sue the company (and two others) […]
Science!
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Cannabis Community Fair and Book Launch
If you enjoy cannabis science, free chocolate, and smart womxn, and you’re one of those eggheads who love their bookie books, here’s a fantastic way for you to spend Wednesday evening, and it’s free to those 21 and over. This Wednesday, September 27, from 6 to 10 pm, Holocene will be the place to be, […]
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This Week’s Letters to the Editor Are… Really Something
ORLANDO FERGUSON, 1893 RE: “Flat Earth, Eclipsed,” part of our Eclipse Issue [Aug 16], about flat-Earthers’ attempts to explain the eclipse. “In roughly 300 BCE, Greek philosopher Aristotle changed everything by mansplaining that, actually, our planet is a rotating sphere. The flat-Earth theory was debunked,” Kathleen Marie wrote. “Except… in 2017, in the case of […]
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I Am Mortified by the Attention and Apologize for the Disruption
RYAN F. JOHNSON Ugh. You know I don’t like the limelight. I show up in the evening, provide just a bit of illumination—not too much! People are sleeping!—and then I hide all day. I’m not a grandstander, and I’m self-conscious about my size. About once a month, I see how big I’ve gotten and think, […]
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Frank Cassano Asks, “What Are You Doing for the Solar Eclipse?”
Thinking ahead, I booked an eight-bedroom cabin in wine country so my family would have the very best view of the eclipse. And we’ve been hoarding a rare bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild just for the occasion! —Janet Bessinger, Pearl District Congratulations on being another oblivious, overprivileged white person, you entitled sack of liver spots! […]
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The Laws of God and Man Are Suspended During an Eclipse. Plan Accordingly.
NASA Now, I’m not a big-city lawyer, or indeed, any kind of lawyer at all, or even the resident of a big city. But there’s nothing in any law book that says I can’t offer my fellow citizens a morsel of well-informed legal advice. Which is as follows: Buckle. The. Fuck. Up. Because the laws […]
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How Flat-Earthers Explain the Eclipse
UNKNOWN, 1800S For a moment, forget the fact that Earth is a sphere. Forget that the orbit of Earth, along with the orbit of the Sun and Moon, are what will cause the upcoming solar eclipse. Instead, think about the eclipse the way flat-Earthers do: Picture Earth as a flat plane, and picture a Moon […]
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Easy Ways to Make Your Own Eclipse!
NASA Let’s say you want to experience a solar eclipse, but you’re busy on Monday. Maybe you have to work, or don’t want to miss any of The Price Is Right. I get it! I don’t want to put forth the effort of going outside for 90 seconds either. That said, there are plenty of […]
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Behold the Portland Mercury‘s Eclipse Issue! Also Behold THE END OF DAYS!
MYLES PINKNEY So Merlin was over the other night, because it was the season finale of The Bachelor, and we always watch The Bachelor, because it’s kind of our thing, even though I always know how it ends, because I’m Nostradamus. (Speaking of The Bachelor, though! Fuck Bryan, right? That dude suuuuuucks, and the only […]
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Best Practices for Small Pig Adoption
JEVTIC / GETTY IMAGES There are few things that make me squeal more than the sight of piglets, or any well-kempt and reasonably sized pig, really. I’ve wanted a miniature “teacup” pig ever since I first learned they existed. And I’d always heard great things about pigs: They’re smarter than the average pet, affectionate, social, […]
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Don’t Worry, You’ll Be Able to See Practically the Whole Eclipse from Portland Anyway
Vox Vox has this handy-dandy interactive guide to the upcoming solar eclipse, which is scheduled to cross America on Monday, August 21. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that parts of Oregon will get to see the eclipse in totality, meaning the entire sun will be blocked by the moon for a […]
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Jerks Need to Shut Up About OMSI’s Baking Soda Volcano
Rian Nielsen Yesterday OMSI set out to break the world record for “largest baking soda and vinegar volcano”—and while it will take a while to confirm, they most likely succeeded. Meanwhile today, jerks on the internet set out to become “the biggest dicks ever” by making fun of OMSI’s volcano, and surprise! They succeeded as […]