Olive and Matt in Vegas. What happened there, stayed there. The Mercury‘s Scientific Gambling Institute has embarked (sorry for the pun) on a mission to determine who is more reliable when it comes to sports gambling: man or pug. We were fortunate to secure gambling expert Matthew Slessler—his can’t miss 5-star lock of the day: […]
Sports
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Blazers vs Suns – Hot Live Blog Action
Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Phoenix Suns. The Blazers’ injury woes have gotten so bad they were granted a “hardship exception” earlier this week from the league. This is the basketball equivalent of waving the white flag, and will allow for the Blazers to pick up one […]
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Four Reasons Why Chris Dudley Should Be Oregon’s Next Govenor
Yesterday, former Trail Blazer Chris Dudley announced his candidacy for Oregon governor in 2010. Some people in the media suggested that perhaps his lack of much political experience makes him an unlikely candidate. NOT SO! Here are four solid reasons why Chris Dudley is uniquely qualified to become Oregon’s next governor: • He is tall. […]
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Blazers vs Kings – Hot Live Blog Action
Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Sacramento Kings. It’s been ten days since Portland left this arena and in that time there has been two surgeries (Greg Oden’s knee, Nate McMillan’s achilles), one “procedure” (Rudy Fernandez’s sexy sexy leg), one win, and three loses. And tonight, well, this […]
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Tiger Woods Latest Transgression: Failing to Keep “Golf Writers” Fully Informed About Where He Was Sticking His Dick
I’m not exactly sure what Washington Post “golf writer” Leonard Shapiro wishes Tiger Woods had done differently. Should Woods have turned down all that sponsorship money out of tender consideration for Accenture’s feelings? Should have have called a press conference and disclosed each affair immediately after it happened? Should Woods have confided his deepest secrets […]
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Is Tiger Woods—a Man With a Wife and SEVEN NINE Mistresses—a BIG SWISHY QUEER GAY HOMOSEXUAL WHO LIKES DICK?!?
No, he’s not. But that’s how stoopid people are interpreting this detail from the bottomless (get it?) Tiger Woods Sex Scandalathon: [Woods’ alleged mistress Rachel] Uchitel allegedly forwarded along a bizarre, extremely private email from Woods, 33, in which he referenced her famous flings. Woods’ email, Uchitel’s friend tells Us, details the athlete’s “disturbing dream.” […]
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Greg Oden Update (Or, Good Morning, Fractured Patella!)
After the worst weekend of his life, Greg Oden went under the knife yesterday to repair his fractured patella. He will miss the rest of the season, after that, his future is unclear. While it’s possible that Oden will return to the starting center position for the Trail Blazers next season, it’s also likely that […]
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Wait… Why is Tiger Woods Freakier Than Me?
So according to this article at Radar, friends of Rachel Uchitel (one of the thousands of Tiger Woods’ mistresses that have popped up in the last few days) are saying she took drugs with the golfer before they had sex. NO PROBLEM THERE. However! She also allegedly told them she loved having “Ambien sex.” Uchitel […]
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Your Obligatory Civil War Post
Oh god, stop already. After hijacking our week, the Civil War—the football game, not the actual war where your great-great-great grandfather came down with gangrene—takes place tonight at Eugene’s Autzen Stadium (where “it never rains” because Phil Knight controls the weather). Thankfully the majority of the Mercury staff went to school at National Technology Mailorder […]
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Civil War: The Bloodiest Battle Ever!
Often referred to as “the bloodiest single day battle in U.S. history,” the Battle of Antietam was also the first major engagement of the Civil War to take place north of the Mason-Dixon. From Wikipedia: After pursuing Confederate General Robert E. Lee into Maryland, Union Army Maj. Gen. George B. McClellan launched attacks against Lee’s […]
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Blazers vs Heat – Hot Live Blog Action
Live from the heart of Jumptown™ as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Miami Heat. I think I speak for everyone when I say, WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS GOING ON HERE? This time last week the Blazers were toppling the Bulls by 24 points, and now they are easily the worst 12-7 team […]
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Blazers vs Grizzlies – Hot Live Blog Action
Live from the Rose Garden, where the 5-10 Memphis Grizzlies take on the 12-5 Portland Trail Blazers. The Grizzlies really aren’t as good as their record would indicate, racking up meaningless wins against the Clippers, Timberwolves, Kings, Washington Nationals, and the San Jose Earthquakes. I’m pretty positive those last two teams don’t even play in […]