Higgins Restaurant 1239 SW Broadway, 222-9070 Every hamburger has its place: the 39-cent McD’s, good only for times when you’re drunk and/or extremely stoned. The middle-grade indie burger (like the one at Dot’s, or the Cup and Saucer), great when you feel like a fried and greasy sandwich. And then there’s the high-brow burger, which–when […]
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Self-Hell
Analysis for People on the Go
Am I In Danger of Termination? Unemployment continues to rise as the technology sector falters and the economy slows. Is a depression looming on the horizon? Is the market preparing to crash? Is the U.S. near the end of its rein as a super power? More importantly, how will all this affect YOU? Want to […]
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TOSIS
TOSIS 6120 NE Sandy Blvd., 284-4942 Tosis is a big triangular diner on Sandy, where mostly old people go. The service is super-fast, you can smoke there, and if you’re a video poker junkie, you can even drink a Budweiser and play a hand (yeah right, junkie) in the back room. But Tosis would never […]
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UFO PIZZA
UFO PIZZA 6024 NE Glisan, 234-7654 I went to UFO Pizza for two reasons: I was told they bake up the best pizza in town, and the owner is allegedly The Hub of Information on flying saucers in Oregon. Stepping into a small, stripped-down hovel with a deep blue, star-and-constellation, plastered ceiling, I sensed that […]
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CRUSH
CRUSH 1412 SE Morrison, 235-8150 Gay boys have all the fun. I mean, what do gay girls get to do that’s really fun? Nothing! All gay girls do is sit around eating brown rice, talking about their feelings, and their inner goddesses and third wave feminism. Gay guys, on the other hand, get to sparkle […]
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Self-Hell
Analysis for People on the Go
Am I an Artificial Life Form? With the astounding advances in animation, and the upcoming release of tearful boy-droid epic AI, it’s not surprising that so many people are considering the possibility that they, themselves, might be artificial life forms. How would you know? What if reality were a complex computer generation and everything you […]
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POOR RICHARD’S
POOR RICHARD’S 3907 NE Broadway, 288-5285 You know how you find that reliable place for each genre: La Bonita for Mexican, Hoda’s for Greek, Tien Hong for Thai and ah… now you’ve got Poor Richard’s for steaks. I found this restaurant in the phone book under “Steaks,” when I was half-broke and too lazy to […]
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India grill
India grill 2924 E Burnside, 236-1790 I’m a very hot person. Hot, like in temperature, hot. I like the windows open in February, a fact that is endlessly annoying to my goosebump-prone coworkers. Sleeping with me is like cuddling with a big metal radiator on full blast. And for some reason, I like to enhance […]
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Grolla
Grolla 2930 NE Killingsworth 493-9521 Sometimes after I get home from a restaurant, I remember clearly why I used to sit alone on the floor in my apartment eating Tostitos and cold baked beans for dinner. The outside restaurant world is so often such a loud, glaring, horrible “Red Robin” sort of place, with annoying […]
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Self-Hell
Analysis for People on the Go
Are You a Bad Correspondent? Are you listless, irritable and chronically guilt-ridden? Do you start letters in your head but never seem to sit down to write them? Does your annual holiday card to your family begin, “Remember me?” You may be a bad correspondent! At the Self-Hell Institute in Helsinki, we have a whole […]
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Kingston Bar & Grill
kingston bar and grill 2021 SW Morrison, 224-2115 Growing up in a truck driver-filled town, I became somewhat of a connoisseur of 24-hour diner food; there was Bart’s downtown–open all night–which served nearly everything fried, including the Wednesday night liver and onion special. (I tried it once on a dare and it was totally nasty.) […]
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Moonstruck Chocolate
Moonstruck Chocolate 526 NW 23rd, 542-3400 When I was 19, six friends and I crammed into my five-seat 1983 Toyota Corolla and drove from Portland to San Francisco in one day. Being the shortest one in the group, I got relegated to the hatchback, where I lay smashed between backpacks and Graphix bongs for about […]