Cleveland High School, located on SE 26th and Powell Google Maps Cleveland High School students and teachers were evacuated from the building around 11:30 am today after raw sewage was discovered leaking from floor drains in the cafeteria and an attached classroom. According to Cleveland teacher Steve Nims, students in the classroom began hearing gurgling […]
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The Best Parts of Trump’s Trainwreck AP Interview
“Do you want a Coke or anything?” Justin Sullivan / Staff I mean, “best” is a relative term, right? You can read the whole monstrosity here. You know, if you feel like torturing yourself. If you don’t want to suffer, here are the, um, highlights. I’m posting them two days behind the interview because that’s […]
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I, Anonymous Classic: Dear Clowns of Portland
Here’s another I, Anonymous Classic from the I, Anonymous archives! DEAR CLOWNS OF PORTLAND Dear delusional clown-folk people of Portland who wear floppy pants and still believe ‘physical comedy’ is a valid form of entertainment: Please find some terrible clown commune far far away from Portland and leave us in peace. CLOWNS SUCK. THE ART […]
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I, Anonymous Classic: Portland Girls and their Dirty Pussies (Wait… It’s Not What You Think)
Here’s another I, Anonymous Classic from the I, Anonymous archives! Portland Girls and their Dirty Pussies (Wait… it’s Not What You Think) Portland girls: I love it when you invite me for a sleepover, you are beautiful and sexy. What’s not sexy is when your cat crawls up on the bed, tracking shit from the […]
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A Building Downtown Is Bulging Unnaturally—Officials Are Investigating
Not the best look for the 68-year-old Fifth Avenue Building, 1400 SW Fifth Doug Brown Portland Fire and Rescue says it’s investigating a “possible threat of building collapse” at a downtown high rise, after a portion of the building appeared to buckle today. The building, 1400 SW Fifth—known as the Fifth Avenue Building—contains a KinderCare […]
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Will Your I, Anonymous Be Read at the I, Anonymous Show?
The I, Anonymous Blog is the place where you can freely express your innermost rants and confessions for all the world to see—anonymously! Submit yours and read other submissions HERE. But it gets better! Because not only does the BEST I, Anonymous submissions get chosen to run in the Mercury every week, the funnest, most […]
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I, Anonymous Classic: I’ll Fix Your Little Red Wagon
Here’s another I, Anonymous Classic from the I, Anonymous archives! They Provide Shopping Carts, You Know I know you think you’re being quaint by carting your big ass red wagon to the grocery store, but you’re just being annoying. “We’re so Portland!” you must think as you drag that thing around the store, blocking every […]
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By PBOT’s Latest Tally, More Than a Dozen Biketown Racks Were Vandalized Last Night
This rack wasn’t hit. Doug Brown Portland officials now count more than a dozen Biketown racks struck by vandals at some point last night. As first reported by BikePortland this morning, an unknown number of the lumbering orange steeds were hit last night by a group calling itself Rose City Saboteurs. The assailants sprayed the […]
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Pepsi Just Eliminated Police Brutality!
YouTube UPDATE, Wednesday, 12 pm As a result of the enormous backlash, Pepsi has pulled this ad offline and issued a public apology. They address the scores of people they have offended, and star of the shit show, Kendall Jenner. Pepsi admitted that in an attempt to portray “a global message of unity, peace and […]
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I, Anonymous Classic: Shavings of Me
Kalah Allen Here’s another I, Anonymous classic post from the I, Anonymous Blog! Clippings About ten years ago, I started saving my finger and toenail clippings. At first I kept them in an old Dixie cup, but when that got too full, I doubled down and began putting them into a large mason jar. Well, […]
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Corey Feldman and His Angels Are Coming to Portland
Perhaps you remember Corey Feldman from the ’80s. The child actor starred in such era-defining films as Stand by Me, The Goonies, and The Lost Boys. Perhaps you ALSO remember Corey Feldman from 2016, when he appeared on the Today show. At the time, Feldman was “dressed like a spandex-wearing Voldemort, and is flanked by […]
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Hey, Southeast Portland! Here’s the Locked, Unmanned Kombucha Facility You Didn’t Ask For
Today, at my neighborhood bus stop, I witnessed something terrible. Here it is: FUCK THIS SHIT. MB That’s right! It’s an unmanned Kombucha taproom you have to use your credit card to get into. It’s like a locked ATM but without the warmth. Obviously, this is a microcosm of everything that people complain about w/r/t […]