Here’s another classic from the I, Anonymous archives! Done with this Craig’s List Roommate Shit You want to know why we basically paid you off to leave? YOU BROUGHT A BEEHIVE INTO OUR GARAGE. You lied to us. You have no occupation. Beekeeper is not an occupation. I don’t care how many honey awards you […]
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I, Anonymous Classic: Kitties ‘n’ Condoms
Kalah Allen Only the best/strangest/awesomest I, Anonymous submissions get chosen for our weekly print edition and our monthly I, Anonymous Show (hosted by the hilarious Caitlin Weirhauser, and coming April 17). You know… like this one! KITTY LITTERDude, only a guy would chuck his spent condoms out a bedroom window. I get it. You have […]
Posted inPortland
Dear Portland: Stop Putting Creepy Dolls in This Person’s Backyard
This story needs no introduction. From the Sellwood Nextdoor site: Hello everyone. In the last two months we’ve had two dolls show up in our yard. They’re a little disconcerting, as you can see in the photos. The first was found back in January, and was placed outside our bathroom window in the backyard. The […]
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I, Anonymous: The Spanking Machine
Kalah Allen LAST NIGHT I broke the dry spell of five years, two months, and 15 days without penetrative sex. It was lackluster, and not only because the guy’s cock was tiny and nothing compared to your XXL cock. The spanks and the bruises he gave me were nothing compared to the hard-hitting beats you […]
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Oh No, You Guys, I Think I Might Be an Alpha Woman
I think you mean “values.” “Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love” is the headline of a Fox News hate-read making the rounds on many a feminist social media feed right now. Written by Suzanne Venker, it is a garbage article about how women who act too strong […]
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Male Executives Will Advise the “President” on Women’s Issues, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Trump’s response to massive calls for gender equality? Quality time with men. Doug Brown Donald Trump, who lost the popular vote by 2,864,974 votes, is meeting with advisors from corporate America today to advise him on key issues, reports the Wall Street Journal. The experts advising the Bruised Ego in Chief on “women in the […]
Posted inNews
Neil Gorsuch’s Record on Reproductive Rights is Awful and He Must Be Stopped
It’s the left’s turn to be obstructionist pests. Let’s not squander it. Doug Brown Donald Trump, who lost the popular vote by 2,864,974 votes, wants to put Colorado judge Neil Gorsuch on the Supreme Court. I keep seeing headlines that are like “OMG do we even know he’s bad on abortion, who can say?” Well! […]
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UPDATED: Portlanders Are Marching at PDX to Protest Donald Trump’s Refugee Ban
Ciara Dolan UPDATED 6:30 PMGood news! Multiple outlets are now reporting that a federal judge has granted a temporary stoppage to Trump’s plan to keep refugees from entering the country, while freeing those who are currently detained at airports, thanks to an emergency hearing brought about by the ACLU. From the New York Times: Judge […]
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State: County Deputy Violated Law By Chanting “Trump” At Voters
When an on-duty Multnomah County deputy shouted “Trump, Trump” at voters from his vehicle on election day, he violated Oregon elections law, a state investigation has concluded. Deputy Jason Vetter of Fairview now faces a potential $75 fine for campaigning while acting as a public employee. He could face further discipline if an internal investigation […]
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Intelligence Chiefs Informed Trump of Russian Plan to Compromise Him
istock / macida Just when you thought the worst political news was happening at Jeff “I Don’t Know What Sexual Assault Is” Sessions’ confirmation hearing. Here’s CNN, from an article with a byline that includes Carl Bernstein (?!): Classified documents presented last week to President Obama and President-elect Trump included allegations that Russian operatives claim […]
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Polar Bear Mascot Slips on Ice, and It Is Funny
You think Portlanders can’t handle the ice? Check out these very funny outtakes from a commercial for Minnesota car dealership White Bear Mitsubishi. The gopher seems all right (if not fully in control of his hockey stop), but the polar bear… well, you’ll just have to watch. This is why polar bears are going extinct.
Posted inCannabis
We Got High and Went to Cirque du Soleil’s Avatar Ballet
It seemed like a good idea at the time: Get high, fumble our way to some seats in the Moda Center, and watch people in blue unitards jump and dance and sing and pretend to be giant alien cat people from Avatar! Would we understand any of it? Would it be in Avatar‘s made-up cat-people […]