It’s back! Welcome to the triumphant return of the Blogtown series we like to call “Worst. Night. Ever.” Every Wednesday during our weekly “My, What a Busy Week” pitch meetings, someone suggests an event which is the equivalent of throwing acid in our eyes—but we also realize a more enlightened person might love it! Hence, […]
Worst. Night. Ever.
Posted inWorst. Night. Ever.
Warped Tour: A Meditation on Aging
Okay, guys. For the first Worst. Night. Ever. of our new season, you decided to send me to Warped Tour, and so to Warped Tour I went—to the disappointment of my close friends and family, who know that nothing, but NOTHING, sounds worse to me than an “ecstatic dance DJ party.” You effed the dog […]
Posted inWorst. Night. Ever.
The Return of… WORST. NIGHT. EVER.
It’s back! Welcome to the triumphant return of the Blogtown series we like to call “Worst. Night. Ever.“ Every Wednesday during our weekly “My, What a Busy Week” pitch meetings, someone suggests an event which is the equivalent of throwing acid in our eyes—but we also realize a more enlightened person might love it! Hence, […]
Posted inFashion
Want to Win $300? I Bet I Know Someone Who Doesn’t
I can think of worse ways to earn $300 than by competing in November 1st’s third annual Runway Walkoff, an amateur catwalking competition featuring categories like “Atmospheric Drama,” “Uptempo/Urgency!” and “Caution: Restrictivewear.” But I bet I know some people who can’t. In fact I probably know some people in this very office who would pay […]
Posted inDrunk
Your New Oscars Drinking Game
As I’m sure you’ve forgotten, the Academy Awards are this Sunday starting at 5:30 pm. As I’m also sure you’ve forgotten, there’s a little column I write called I Love Television™ that in the current issue spotlights the Oscars and a game for getting completely wasted while watching it. It’s called… WM.™ STEVEN HUMP-ME’S ACADEMY […]
Posted inWorst. Night. Ever.
Happy Wookiee Life Day from Luke, Leia, Han, and… uh… Bea Arthur, I Guess.
First, a few highlights from Wikipedia’s page on “Life Day“: Generally, The Star Wars Holiday Special has received a large amount of criticism, both from Star Wars fans and the general public. David Hofstede, author of What Were They Thinking?: The 100 Dumbest Events in Television History, ranked the holiday special at number one, calling […]
Posted inTV
MTV Hates You
The good people at MTV have found a way to ruin New Year’s for EVERYONE. (Though I suppose that they’ve been ruining things for a few years now.) MTV is holding a New Year’s Eve special in Times Square—no problem there. Whitney Cummings will host and Flo Rida will perform—I’m somewhat indifferent to this. There […]
Posted inMusic
It’s Baaaaack: The Shameless Portland Music Awards Have Returned!
Professor Whiskers celebrates after winning the trophy for “Outstanding Achievement in World Music.” Christ. The single most embarrassing moment in local music, the annual sham that is the Portland Music Awards, returns for year number four—which is exactly four years too many. The shamefully out-of-touch event run by snakeoil pitchman Craig Marquardo, formerly of the […]
Posted inEvents
You’re Invited
Tomorrow is my last day at the Mercury, and as such we’ll be having the traditional Mercury Viking Send Off at Club 21 [2035 NE Glisan] (in which my fellows get me drunk and then shoot flaming arrows* at my cab as it leaves to take me home). Sound like fun? Want to join in? […]
Posted inWorst. Night. Ever.
Worst. Night. Ever. Season Finale: “Heaven Freezes Over”
Hello, and welcome to the season finale of Worst. Night. Ever. where a Mercury staff writer is sent to a very uncomfortable (for them) event chosen by you the Blogtown reader. Sometimes we return a better person, having opened ourselves up to a new experience, thereby broadening our very limited horizons. Other times, the situation […]
Posted inWorst. Night. Ever.
Worst. Night. Ever. #9: In Which I Get Stood Up, But I Learn to Love Myself
For my Worst. Night. Ever. y’all rightly decided to send me to Jiro’s Relationship, Friendship, and Connection Lab. You so know how I hate to explore my feelings. I was a bit panicked to get there on time because I got stuck in traffic on the way back to town from Oregon City. Despite hunger […]
Posted inWorst. Night. Ever.
Worst. Night. Ever. The Season Finale!
Welcome back to the ongoing Blogtown series “Worst. Night. Ever.” Every Wednesday during our weekly pitch meetings, there is one member of our editorial staff—this is almost always Patrick Alan Coleman—who blurts out an event (“Thursday July 15, Chlamydia Potluck in the Park, $15, bring your own specimen!”) in the hopes that we will recommend […]