I’m a slightly chubby, awkward girl with an obsession. I have a thing for you—and your big, soft hands that are so skilled at working on your classic car—and I walk the streets at night over to your neighborhood just to see if your bedroom light is on. On one such occasion, emboldened by the still and quiet night, I opened the door of your car and slid inside. I slumped down in the seat and was nearly caught by your father when he came out on the porch. A few minutes later, he was back inside and I was shimmying my pants down on the fake leather seat. I started to pleasure myself right there in your driveway. The faint smell of you was still in the car, and I could picture your dark eyes and your bright smile. When I was finished, I pulled my pants back up and disappeared back to my own neighborhood, and you were never the wiser. But anytime you give me a ride, I blush thinking about what happened in there, inspired by you, that you would never know about. —Anonymous
Send your rant/confession via email to anonymous@portlandmercury.com OR publish it practically immediately on our NEW I, Anonymous blog!
Creepy….
Really, really creepy.
Immensely creepy. Like, the creepiest of creepy.
And more in line with the original mission of this column. I give it an A.
Oh come on, you guys. Who among us HASN’T done this?
Creepy in the very best way! More IA like this, no more stupid rants.
True, Reymont. We can all deny it, but the rap sheets and restraining orders tell a different story.
Haha! Awesome.
Aw, that’s so sweet. Who wouldn’t be flattered by being someone’s secret masturbatory fantasy? At least she wasn’t a guy, so there wasn’t any um… evidence left behind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzjUjNPYzLg
“Aw, that’s so sweet. Who wouldn’t be flattered by being someone’s secret masturbatory fantasy? At least she wasn’t a guy, so there wasn’t any um… evidence left behind.”
What are you talking about?! The poor guy’s been probably wondering how those disgusting HUMAN-SIZED slug/slime trails keep appearing on his upholstery, YUCK! Plus, this is a major sanitation issue. And what if she has a venereal disease? Either have the balls to ask the guy out already, or stay the fuck out of his car!
yet another reason to keep my car door locked.
(now I’m wondering if that really is bird poop on the window)
I like this. It’s kinky and fun. I may have to try this. However, I would do it a little different. I will take pictures and send them to him while doing what I do. Maybe he will like it and come out to join me or tell me to get out of his car. What could it hurt…
“I like this. It’s kinky and fun. I may have to try this. However, I would do it a little different. I will take pictures and send them to him while doing what I do. Maybe he will like it and come out to join me or tell me to get out of his car. What could it hurt… “
You could risk him reporting you to the cops, with the photos you’ve sunt him.
2 Parts Disturbing
2 Parts Funny
1 part kinky
1 part naughty
——————–
= I anonymous! that’s entertaining!
Itsa dried up puss print..In an El Cumino right? Im sure hes doing hi-fives in the front yard face down on his bench seat. Damosa needs to take his medicine..
I’m pretty sure this is how the plague got started.
“At least she wasn’t a guy, so there wasn’t any um… evidence left behind.”
Oh yeah, says who? Someone needs to familiarize themselves with the term ‘squirter’.
Hell, some women are gushers!
So that’s where that pair of XXL K-Mart panties With Deluxe Support Panel And Oh-So-Fresh Insert came from.
Franny’s probably too young to remember when car prowlers used to wind up shot.
Wasn’t this on “COPS” last week?
Extreme creepiness.
I used to take the back seat out of my parent’s van and use it as my personal spank studio. I don’t see any problem with this. I, too, was almost caught by my father a few times. almost.