Letters to the Editor

DOOMED

Shameful [“The Best of Enchanted Forest,” Feature, July 23]. I’d be
one of the parents holding my children closer. I hope the “journalists”
don’t have children of their own—but I’m sure they don’t
considering the lack of respect for morality and the veiled hints at
pedophilia. This world is doomed.

-posted by InvictaPdx on portlandmercury.com

IN PRAISE OF PERSEVERENCE

Almost 40 years ago I found myself renting a basement apartment just
down the road from the Enchanted Forest [“The Best of Enchanted
Forest,” Feature, July 23]. We would often stop by and visit with Roger
[Tofte], who was always at work on multiple undertakings. What a great
testimony to perseverance. How satisfying that his hard work is well
recognized today.

-posted by DBinPdx on portlandmercury.com

NOW & LATER

Frankly, it baffles me that there are those that continue to support
and defend institutionalized socio-economic inequality [“Equal Rights:
Women’ll Love It!” News, July 23]. Such practices ultimately undermine
our state and national progress, and threaten economic stability. While
there is always a choice to do nothing, we inevitability pay more in
the end when it hemorrhages and becomes a crisis.

-posted by arosepdx on portlandmercury.com

REVERSE SNAP!

Tom Charette, you raging douche [“Three-Fingered Snap!” Letters,
July 23]. The thumb is TOO a finger, you flaming bag of crap. Just
because the digit happens to be opposable on human hands does not make
it any less of a finger than the other digits. A simple search for the
physiology of the human hand would reveal this information—so
before you go off on somebody with some righteous indignation over a
cause you believe so strongly about, it might behoove you to do the
minimal amount of research to not make yourself look like a total ass.
ASS.

-posted by ChadStrut on portlandmercury.com

JESSICA SLIMSON

I know this is a vapid celebrity gossip column but is it really
necessary to fat-shame a woman that is not in any way actually fat [One
Day at a Time, July 23]?

posted by Brit 1565 on portlandmercury.com

BAD BIKE BUSINESS

Sounds like a great private business venture [“Sexier than Zipcar,”
News July 23, regarding a bike-sharing system being considered by the
city]! Unfortunately, it probably is not profitable and thus no person
or company is willing to throw their money away. But why do we need
private businesses when we can just have the government run it and tax
the non-users for the service? No wonder why successful businesses run
away from P-town and we have a 12 percent unemployment rate.

-posted by Jota on portlandmercury.com

SLIPPING THE TOOL TO PAULA ABDUL

DEAR CARLOS SANTANA [“I Slipped the Banana to Hannah Montana by
Carlos Santana,” New Column! July 23]—My friend, I was deeply
moved by your succulent tale of the mighty dentata of Hannah Montana
devouring your banana Mexicana that night in the Havana
cabana. This is a great accomplishment! It reminds me of a time
long ago, when I was 17 and cool, the day I slipped my tool to the one
and only Paula Abdul. She came to perform at my school, making
many a boy drool, which seemed to me rather cruel, but I was no fool, I
knew Paula Abdul would soon be my crown jewel. I found her in a bikini
by the pool, making Phoebe Cates look like a ghoul, and Paula soon
smiled at my challenge to a steamy carnal duel. We quickly
embraced, breaking every rule, and this is no bull, she even tried to
tongue my stool, but in the end my tool was deeply embedded in Paula
Abdul.  

-Christopher Lovett

CONGRATULATIONS TO CHRISTOPHER for his rhyming response, winning
him the Mercury‘s letter of the week (remember, hold those
children close)! He wins two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and
lunch at No Fish! Go Fish! where the food is pretty steamy,
too.