UNENLIGHTENED FREAKS
TO THE MERCURY VIA VOICEMAIL—Hi, my name is Becky Thornton, I’m a Portland resident and I’m looking at your Thursday edition of the Mercury, which I actually like a lot, but I’m really wondering about some of these letters to the editor [Letters, April 8]. Why do you even print some of this crap? This “Monkey See, Monkey Doo” [letter], these people who have absolutely no compassion? What is happening when twentysomethings are so in with the police? I mean, Jesus Christ, where did these people grow up? Portland? [Laughs.] One person thinks it was justified to use lethal force, that this Jackie Dale Collins was attacking a cop. He was never attacking a cap! The other one is afraid of a weirrrrd vibe. The other one, posted by Showstopper, wants the police to use Jedi mind tricks. My! What a fresh joke! Where do you come up with these editorials? These aren’t editorials! These are unenlightened freaks who deserve the world they live in.
A SOUR NOTE
DEAR MERCURY—After being alerted to the Mercury‘s blog posting this week [“Should City Pay to Send the Symphony to NYC?” Blogtown, April 14], I can only assume that many moons ago, young Daniel Saltzman must have been emotionally damaged by some unspeakable terror at band camp, anxiously guarding against any possibility of hearing the bassoon once more. How else can one explain his rage toward the Oregon Symphony? Seemingly every other week we hear of the city’s police gunning down another vulnerable citizen, which barely elicits a mumble from meek and mild Commissioner Dan. However, mention a one-time request for 0.007 percent of Portland’s budget to help the symphony accept national recognition at Carnegie Hall, and Saltzman’s passion surprisingly erupts: “Over my dead body!” I suggest the symphony sweeten the deal for the commissioner, and create a provision in the monetary request allowing Schnitzer ushers to Taser any snoozing concertgoers.
-Brian Horay, “Angry Symphony Guy”
ANARCHIST RIDE-ALONG
DEAR MATT FUCKING DAVIS—We ignored you once, but this is the second time you’ve denigrated anarchism without knowing what it is [“Chasse Avenue,” Hall Monitor, April 15]. A cursory Wikipedia search would go a long way toward clearing things up for you, but let’s at least say that one good thing about anarchism is that whiny liberal pseudo-journalists don’t get to define it for the rest of us. You keep pumping out these macho lines about how few cops were injured and how we’re not destroying enough property. Well, if you think you know how to riot better than any Portland anarchist, by all means show us how it’s done. That’s right, if you want the scoop on anarchists you won’t find it in your condo and you certainly won’t find it by asking cops. So we have a proposal for you: Do a black bloc ride-along. Extend to us the same journalistic courtesy you gave your lovers in the [Portland Police Bureau]. Put on your black hoodie and bandana and come out into the street, throwing rocks and swingin’ on cops. Show us how they do it in jolly old England. Until then… eat a bag.
-Voltairine de Cleyre
A STEAMING PILE
DEAR MERCURY—This is in response to the douche who wrote in about ‘stache choices [“I Don’t Like Your Hitler ‘Stache,” I, Anonymous, April 15]. Advocating physical violence over facial hair. Really? Hey, ass clown, maybe that guy you saw was a fan of Charlie Chaplin or Oliver Hardy, both of whom sported said ‘stache before Adolf started with crappy watercolors. What’s next? Retooling of everyone who parts their hair on the right; you know, like A.H. did? Or maybe beard correction for those sporting growths like Castro or Osama or ZZ top or, Yahweh forbid, your orthodox friends. Who by the way must have some thoughts on your religious pimping and bigotry (“namby-pamby pussy-ass Reform Jews”) all in the same paragraph. Most of the Jews I know are pretty intolerant of intolerance, so please stop being a steaming pile of self-righteous poo.
-Michael Sullivan
SAXY TALK
DEAR MERCURY—I chanced to espy in your One Day at a Time column [April 15] a reference to a new revelation of a long-ago relationship between Oprah Winfrey and John Tesh. The very brief, oversimplified piece is concluded by smugly calling John Tesh a “fucking sissy.” I had to shake my head at your magazine’s ignorance because anyone who has ever listened to the 1994 Sax by the Fire CD knows that Tesh is a true sexual warrior, straight up. Men, put on that copy of Sax by the Fire the next time you have a lady over—trust me on this one.
-Dan Groth
WOW, THAT’S A BIG leap of faith, Dan, but we will entrust you with this week’s letter of the week along with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, where it is illegal to put your sax too close to the cooking fire. We can talk about the John Tesh thing some more later.
Dear Ms Thornton, apparently sarcasm is not in your wheelhouse. Or comprehension for that matter. Furthermore, apparently you were present on the scene of the shooting and therefore privy to information the rest of us do not posses. My sarcasm was directed at those who believe they can disarm a mentally ill man armed with a blade using Aikido, hippie feel good philosophy or maybe the Force. In addition assuming the entire Mercury readership consists of “twentysomethings” is a bit of a stretch. I am 43 myself, A damn fine 43 but in the forties nonetheless. Finally sweetie, drinking and reading is a bad idea, but thanks for using my Nom de plume, monkey. Any free publicity is always welcome.
another sweet condescending e-mail from showstopper. we get it, you are smarter than everyone else. sarcasm is better used in small doses, like fancy words. you could do with less of both. he called out your “nom de plume” (ick, gimme a break) because your comment was the most annoying.
another sweet condescending comment from the showstopper. we get it, you are smarter than everyone else. he called out your “Nom de plum” (ug, gimme a break) because your comments were the most annoying. sarcasm and fancy words are both better used in small doses, i would recommend less of both, because you sound like a sarcastic person commenting from rural england.
I know who the guy sporting the mustache you are so offended by is. He’s not a nazi. As pointed out, he’s more of a Chaplin lover. It is refreshing to see a person so enraged by facial hair choices that they pathetically threaten to assault someone “the next time they see them”. Because they were just too shocked at the sight of the mustache the first time to go beat ass…
Voltairine,
I did look up Anarchy on the wiki and you seem way off.
“Acting without waiting for instructions or official permission… The root of anarchism is the single impulse to do it yourself: everything else follows from this.”
How is going on an organized “ride along” anarchy? You are giving instructions and rules, that isn’t very anarchist. A hazing ritual to show someone the ropes, isn’t anarchy.
Destroying property is the opposite of anarchy. Anarchy is about protecting personal property.
Cops aren’t the law, the law makers and the federal government are the law. You aren’t going to change anything by throwing a rock at a cop. That is just a child having a fit.
Anarchy is the absence of law, not the absence of police. There will still be laws even if you manage to eliminate every single police officer, you aren’t going to change anything….except your right to be a free citizen.
Sounds like you are just a pesky vandal and would rather hide behind a hip bandana than actually own up to doing something you feel is right? Even though Mr. Davis is right, all you are doing by throwing annoying rocks is giving the people who actually work to give social issues the recognition they deserve, a bad name.
Miss, It it is a complete mis understanding of Anarchy when you say it is about protecting private property and that the police will still exist. Most anarchists see all property as belonging to all people, that is, all property is to be shared. Some anarchist see that we must destroy the old institutions and the capitialist industys and the police that force us to work in their mills of destruciton or beat us as we “sit or lie” in the streets. We are bombarded with corporate propoghanda from the day we start breathing. Everything we do is socialized by this system and its violent images that tell us to work and buy and think of nothing else. Dont think of a different world just work and buy and get along. Some Anarchists think that if we abolish these institutions, our human nature that is to take care of one another will finally be able to manifest itself in the way in which society operate. (There are many examples of societys that lived free from the police and in an anarchist fashion such as Spain the the 1930s durring the Spanish civil war in which Anarchists had to fight Fascists and Comunists to maintain their liberties.http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5642767425050474741#) Then we can create communities free of the police where individuals are not so tainted by this violent culture that we can actually get along. Therefore private property is not respected by anarchists. A simple Wikipedia search will not give you a true understanding of the anarchist philosophy. Anarchism is a tradition that spans back 200 years and is a vary diverse philosophy. If you have any questions about anarchy check out http://anarchy101.org/ it is a great resource to ask questions and have propt answers.