YOU GUYS ARE JUNIOR VARSITY POTHEADS!

TO THE EDITOR: I must say I was very displeased with your article on how to make
a substitute bong [Back to School Issue, Sept 27]. I mastered those five things
back in early high school! Shit, I know someone that turned his whole car into
a bong. Can’t you guys think of anything new? I would like to see a whole section
dedicated to this.

Sir Smokesalot

OPERATION CODE NAME GAME

TO THE EDITOR: Here are some alternate suggestions for Operation Infinite Justice
[Operation Code Name Game, Sept 27].

Operation Desert Storm: The Next Generation
Operation Whack-a-Mole
Operation, by Milton Bradley
Operation Springtime for Osama
Operation Operation (from The Department of Redundancy Department)
Operation We Understand The Difference Between These Few Evil Terrorists Who
Happen To Be Arab And Islamic (Although We Shouldn’t Jump To Conclusions About
That, Because The Last Terrorist Act Turned Out To Have Been Done By A White,
American Guy) And The Average Arab And/Or Islamic Person, Who Is As Shocked
And Horrified As We Are By The Terrorists’ Actions, Because Islam Is Really
A Religion Of Peace, And Who We Like And Very Much Want To Be Friends With,
However, It Appears That We’re Going To Have To Go Kick Some Farking Towelhead
Ass, And Of Course By “Towelhead” We Mean The Evil Terrorist Types And Not The
Vast Majority Of Arabs And/Or Muslims Who, As We’ve Stated, Are Fine, Upstanding
People.

JT

HEY MERCURY! THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT!

TO THE MERCURY: For an alternative newspaper, you sure reflect the spoutings
of the mainstream media quite precisely. Let me see if I correctly got the gist
of your article on the Lewis and Clark College Peace Gathering [“The Old College
Try,” Sept 27]. A few “liberal-thinking” kids got together to relive their parents’
hippie rebellion, but without the real ideals and thus, in a pathetically uncertain,
pointless manner. It’s too bad your reporter either allowed his biases to dictate
his words, or he didn’t bother to get a complete perspective of our gathering,
or else you might have found a more hopeful outlook on America’s youth.

It’s true that many college-age students today admire our parents’ generation’s
stand against the war they faced. We weren’t there, so we can never know exactly
what it was like. That does not mean we cannot share their ideals and act on
them in the ways we choose, without being mocked as imitators.

Active peace is the best response to today’s threats on the U.S. and the whole
world. And now is the BEST time to voice our objections to war, in favor of
just solutions. Once the U.S. has declared war, and the government and public
have made up their mind about who they can too-simply designate as good or bad,
we have automatically lost, and it will be even harder for pacifists or anyone
to stop the killing.

The article also seems to reveal a rather superficial and short visit to the
peace gathering, which lasted most of the day and included music, student and
faculty speakers for peace, letter-writing to elected representatives, a painted
mural, an open mic, as well as the armbands and human peace sign. So what if
we didn’t all sing in harmony? Does our vocal ability somehow define our merit
as activists? If each activist doesn’t have a creed memorized, does that mean
we have no opinions worth coming together to discuss and celebrate? We may not
all agree on exactly how to carry out our response, but we know that we want
to respond peacefully.

And despite varied individual applications, we did have a clear message, as
stated on our 9-foot petition: We do not want the U.S. to commit further acts
of violence in retaliation for the attacks of September 11. Had the reporter
included more than two student statements, this would have been clear. And we
did have an impact on the off-campus world, in the form of various articles
covering the event in local newspapers (ahem, Mercury?).

Audrey DeCoursey

Lewis and Clark College

DEPT. OF CONGRATULATIONS

Hey Readers! Let’s all give a whoop-dee-doo and tip o’ the hat to the new
Homecoming King and Queen of Portland, Amy “Ponyboy” Neymeyr and M. Lesniak!
Thanks to all your votes they were officially crowned at last Friday’s Mercury Homecoming Dance, and accepted their new positions as royalty with grace and
appreciation. (However, they still insist that you have to do everything they
say.) All hail the new King and Queen!