LEAVING LOHAN
DEAR ANN [ROMANO]—You want to be her, don’t you Romano [One Day at a Time, Jan 6]? You’re dying to be in the limelight like your “target du annum” Ms. [Lindsay] Lohan. You know there’s all sorts of OTHER gossip to report on. But you, misguided one, are hopelessly mired down with delusions of becoming famous by trashing the famous. You write well, Ann. But you’re seriously lacking the big picture. You want to be her, don’t you?!?! Or at least you want to be a successful version of her. Well here’s your chance: I’ve just trashed you the way that you’ve systematically trashed LL for the last year or so. Confidential to “Hubby Kip”: Condolences, dude.
-Ken DeLoria
SAVE ME
What alternative “tactics” do you suggest [“Shooting for a Diagnosis?” News, Jan 6]? Does Dan [Handelman] understand the cops were not only protecting themselves but also protecting the family members from further harm and protecting innocent bystanders (neighbors) from this menace? No thanks, Dan. When I call 911 because someone (mental issues or not) is trying to hurt or kill me, I want the cops to come and protect me—RIGHT NOW—not stand back half a mile and take 30 minutes to come up with contingency plans for every conceivable course of action the suspect might take.
-posted by craig p
THE CONTINUING BIKE BATTLE
Here’s a thought—not every aspect of sustainable transportation is reducible to a dependence on bikes [“Track Attack,” News, Jan 6]. And yet another of those pesky thoughts—avoiding crashes on rail tracks embedded into streets is easy, and obvious, and doesn’t require panic on the part of a hobby community—all it takes is a simple adjustment to the way you ride your bike. I love my bike and ride it often, but I don’t delude myself into somehow thinking that everyone ought to ride a bike, or that the rabid interest in bikes in Portland is anything but, say (to throw out a random figure) roughly 75 percent about being fashionable, hip, and cool, and maybe 25 percent about sustainability (side note—I’d like to conduct a sociological study on Portlanders comparing the number of bike-related tattoos with the number of tattoos that explicitly endorse environmentally sustainable behavior… okay, not really, but still, it’d be kind of interesting to know the answer to that one). I don’t know for sure, but sometimes I get the feeling that the biking community in Portland is ultimately concerned more with obtaining the status for Portland of the most bike-friendly city in the world, rather than actually cultivating a diverse set of sustainable transportation options that can accommodate ALL of Portland’s citizens.
-posted by Snagglepuss
WORST OF THE WORST
I think I have read just about every issue of the Mercury since it began being published (don’t make fun of me… I’m a shy and sad person who doesn’t talk to other people at pizza shops/bus stops/brew pubs/free health clinics and therefore needs something to occupy themselves with… I said don’t judge me!) and yet I don’t remember any one of these covers [“The Best and Worst Mercury Covers So Far!” Feature, Jan 6]. Does that mean that every one of these is the worst Mercury cover? No, because I remember the worst Mercury cover. I don’t remember the exact issue or year. But man did that fucking cover suck.
-posted by zakkpants
WELL, WHICH ONE is it, zakkpants, you G-damn tease? Powell’s City of Books has its retrospective of every Mercury cover ever up through the end of the month, where you can purchase a print of the faves (and least faves) of your choice to benefit the Independent Publishing Resource Center. In the meantime, enjoy two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, by way of apology for whatever that terrible cover was.
Hey Ann Romano,
I’ve always enjoyed your column. It’s smart and funny. It’s the best thing in the paper (yeah, I know, faint praise). Is that enough butt-kissing to insure that if you do ever realize your ambition to become Lindsay Lohan, you’re gonna share your cocaine with me?
‘Craig P’ has it right. There has been a lot of whining about the recent increase in Officer Involved Shootings involving alleged “mentally unstable” suspects [e.g. “Shooting for a Diagnosis” by Denis C. Theriault]. First of all, someone menacingly waving a weapon around in the presence of a police officer (or anyone for that matter), is by definition “mentally unstable”, but this should in no way mitigate the perceived threat. Pulling the pity card of “mental instability” does not lessen the danger to police officers and bystanders. In fact, in cases where true “mental illness” is at work, it makes the situation even more dangerous and unpredictable as the suspect has a weapon *and* is fucking batshit crazy! Unfortunately, I have extensive experience with mental illness and addiction within my immediate family, and trust me, reason and rationality do not enter the picture once a situation escalates to a full-blown crisis. “Talk Therapy” is just not going to happen at that point, which is precisely when police are often called to the scene. It frustrates me that people keep putting the blame on the officers in these shootings, second-guessing them and insisting they should treat those poor “mentally ill” folk with kid gloves. Yeah, right. When these people (mentally ill or not) slip through the cracks and reach a point where they are brandishing a weapon in public, it is their community, their social matrix, that has failed, and it is incredibly naïve to blame the responding officers for reacting to a potentially lethal threat with potentially lethal violence. These officers are only doing their jobs, defending their lives and the lives of the public when presented with an immediate, armed threat. An armed confrontation often lasts only seconds, there is no time to contemplate the motivating factors behind a threat or the disturbed mental state of the suspect, the officer must respond within these few seconds and act, trusting in his or her training to take over and eliminate the threat, using lethal force if necessary. We should consider ourselves fortunate that one of these “mentally unstable” assailants did not assault, maim or kill any innocent civilians before the police arrived. Although if this had happened, I’m sure everyone would still be blaming the police – for not taking out the threat sooner.
Why is thinking that everyone should ride a bike ‘delusional’? If everyone rode a bike, everyone would be a lot more fit. I’ve been cycling for 40 years and I do it because it’s the best and most economical way to get around town. Health and sustainability have their place, but anyone who thinks a bike is merely a fashion statement doesn’t use his bike enough to appreciate how much easier it makes transportation.
Dear Ken Fuckass,
That was a pretty lame “trash” that you compared to the lovely Ann Romano’s brilliant and quick-witted trashing of LiLo and other train-wrecked celebrities, which is so consistently wonderful that it’s entirely incomparable. NOBODY TRASHES ANN ROMANO (even if you’re LAME enough to think your LAME-ASS TRASH was a TRASH at all.) Ann is the loveliest of the lovelies, the prettiest and bestest gossip columnist in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD, and she can write about whoever she damn well pleases. Li-Lo is a STRAIGHT-UP DUMMY and is pretty hilarious celebrity material to be molded into epicness by The Great Ann. I hope Kip doesn’t mind that we’ll be married and have babies someday and she’ll get treated like the princess that she is. Suck it, swine. (Not you Kip, I’m talking to Ken.) Insulting TGA is like insulting the universe for providing you with life and stuff, or insulting puppy dogs and unicorns for being so wonderful and cute. I LOVE YOU ANN 4 EVER.