Movies! SO MANY MOVIES!
Every holiday season, studios go nuts with movie releases—this year, you’ve got 20 billion films to pick from, and every single one of them will help you ignore your family for several hours! The 800-pound gorilla is, of course, Star Wars: The Last Jedi—but if you’ve already seen that, there’s the universally acclaimed romance Call Me by Your Name; Guillermo del Toro’s brilliant The Shape of Water; Downsizing, starring an itty-bitty Matt Damon; the Rock’s Jumanji reboot; Molly’s Game, the latest from Aaron Sorkin; and Wolverine’s musical The Greatest Showman. Even Netflix is getting in on the action with Bright, a big-budget fantasy starring Will Smith as a cop who has an orc for a partner. I assume they discover the meaning of Christmas? ERIK HENRIKSEN
See Movie Times for a complete calendar of films, theaters, and showtimes, and once you’re in the theater, turn off your fucking phone.
Fluff and Gravy Records Holiday Party
For years, Anna Tivel and Jeffrey Martin have been musical partners, playing on each others’ songs and touring together. They also released two of the very best albums to come out of Portland in 2017: Tivel’s Small Believer is a collection of beautiful and airy folk songs about everyday life. Her tunes are immaculately crafted, and her voice and melodies recall the less amplified moments of the great Canadian singer/songwriter Kathleen Edwards. Martin’s One Go Around highlights his rugged voice and incredible skill for storytelling; listen to the album’s chilling opening track, “Poor Man,” as soon as you can. These two are a powerhouse duo for the local Fluff and Gravy Records, and tonight they’ll be joined by Parson Red Heads frontman Evan Way and the label’s house band, Vacilando. BEN SALMON
Dec 22, 9 pm, White Eagle, $10
Blowpony’s Christ-Mess
Blowpony’s regular queer dance nights are always a hot mess of fabulousness—but there’s no kind of mess like a Christ-mess! Get sweaty and hot with this yuletide edition of Blowpony, with special guests Jackie Hell, Cucci Binaca, and Angelica D’Vil, and turntablism provided by Airick X, Aurora, Matt Consola, Just Dave, and Mister Sister. Oh, and of course there will plenty of “Gay-Ass Go Go dancing”—because ‘tis the season! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Dec 23, 9 pm, Bossanova Ballroom, $9
Candi Pop: All I Want for Christmas Edition
If you believe in the power of girl power, and pray to the gods of bubblegum pop, then apply a thick coat of Dr. Pepper lip balm, and head out to Candi Pop: All I Want for Christmas Edition. This dance night is well known for heating up the floor with pop bangers from your fave women artists, but this special holiday edition will include radio heroes of your youth including Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, Spice Girls, *NSYNC, Madonna, Destiny’s Child, and (SQUEEEEEEE!) S Club 7! Bring your insulin, because this is one sweet dance night. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Dec 23, 9 pm, Holocene, $5-10
Animated Christmas
Hollywood Theatre curators Greg Hamilton and Nick Wells present their annual holiday showcase of rare short films and televised treats on both 16mm and VHS, with appearances from characters like Frosty the Snowman, Mr. Magoo, and more.
Dec 23, 2 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9
Millennial Falcon, Hell on Wheels, Weehawk, Lovejoy, Savage Nightingale
Millennial Falcon’s self-described “space pirate punk” combines the lighthearted elements of ska and the driving energy of punk rock. The Portland band’s latest release, Hikikomori, drips with angst, and songs like “Nazi Punchers” have enough gusto to power a small army. What really sets Millennial Falcon apart is the presence of comic book kitsch—it’s almost like they’re creating superhero soundtracks—but passionate rock ’n’ roll ingenuity prevents it from becoming another throwaway party punk band. DELANEY MOTTER
Dec 22, 8 pm, Black Water Bar, $6
Banana Stand Media’s 10-Year Anniversary
For the past 10 years, Portland production company Banana Stand Media has hosted wild house shows and recorded countless live albums and music videos (they’re responsible for capturing the Mercury’s free, monthly concert series, Sound + Vision). Tonight they’re throwing a big birthday party with some of the city’s best bands: 1939 Ensemble, Psychomagic, and Kulululu. CIARA DOLAN
Dec 22, 9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $5
Brown Calculus, Indira Valey, Forest Veil
Rising local duo Brown Calculus just released its debut EP, Live at the Map Room, an interstellar collision of jazz, hip-hop, and poetic lyrics. They’re performing at Mississippi Studios with two other fantastic Portland acts: the powerful, orchestral Indira Valey and doom-folksinger/producer Forest Veil. CIARA DOLAN
Dec 23, 9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $5
Dan Sheron
Balto frontman Dan Sheron’s week-long residency at Al’s Den promises to perk up the final week of 2017. Sheron’s rootsy musical leanings stem from his troubadour days in Siberia and Moscow, and he recently returned from a 16-stop tour through Russia by train. His wanderlust has yielded several releases under the Balto parasol, beginning with 2011’s October’s Road, followed by 2012’s Monuments, and later 2015’s 7-inch Call It by Its Name. Balto’s most recent record, Strangers, dropped in early 2017 via Total Reality Meltdown, and bursts with feel-good rockers like the addictive opening track “Lost on the Young” and the Paul Simon-esque “Restless Generation.” Wind down the year with comforting suds and one of the better songwriters in Portland. RYAN J. PRADO
Dec 24-30, 7 pm, Al’s Den, free
Cosmic Monkey Gift Idea Signing
Cosmic Monkey hosts a last-minute holiday shopping signing event, giving you the chance to pick up personalized books from authors David Walker (Luke Cage, Powerman & Iron Fist, Shaft), Taneka Stotts (Elements: Fire), and Chibi Comics.
noon, Cosmic Monkey Comics, free, all ages
Don’t forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!