1. I’m a 34-year-old woman who has been with a man I really enjoy for three years. There are a few reasons I don’t think we’re going to last forever. Most importantly: I’m not planning to have kids. He knows that but he wants them. Do I cut it off or let it run its course?
Allowing someone to live in hope is fine… so long as there’s hope. Allowing someone to live in false hope by making vague statements that could be interpreted in more than one way… that’s selfish and manipulative. So, if what you mean by, “not planning,” is, “never going to,” you need to make that unambiguously clear to the man you’ve been enjoying.
2. If a guy refers to his wife as his “wife” in quotation marks… what does that mean?
It could mean she’s his wife in name only… or it could mean he wants you to believe she’s his wife in name only… but it doesn’t mean his marriage is open or that this woman’s “husband” can be trusted.
3. I am sexually active at 87. I can’t find any gay men in Olympia, Washington, where I live. Where is a good place to start?
Music mogul David Geffen was in his eighties when he met his husband David Armstrong on seekingarrangements.com (“the premier dating site for success-minded singles”) two years ago. Geffen and Armstrong are now getting divorced. Armistead Maupin was in his seventies when he met his husband Christopher Turner on daddyhunt.com (“where you never have to lie about your age to meet other men”) eleven years ago. Armistead and Christopher are still together. So.
4. I’m married to the woman I gave my virginity to. After decades together, we have decided to experience others to spread joy in this dark world. Is there a term for someone who is not a virgin, because they’ve had sex thousands of times, but they’ve only ever had sex with one person? If there isn’t a term for someone like me, can I propose “monogamy virgin”?
A “monogamy virgin” sounds like someone who’s had sex with thousands of people but has never made a monogamous commitment to anyone. So, your proposed term isn’t going to work — and even if I could pull a better term to describe you out of my ass, years could go by before it came into wide enough use to do you any good. And we need you spreading the joy right now, not ten years from now!
5. Cis 28-year-old female from somewhere in the desert. My question is this: Do you have to be attracted physically to someone to be in a BDSM relationship? Specifically, a Dom/sub relationship?
Blindfolds are your friend!
P.S. A good blindfold can help you enjoy a BDSM play session with a Dom you aren’t into physically, but a relationship — a non-companionate one — will require some spark of physical attraction. That said, lots of people wind up with partners they weren’t physically attracted to at first because they had other things in common — and a shared interest in BDSM is a important commonality, one you might be able to build on.
6. Any clever tricks for avoiding Cialis side effects like headache/congestion?
Flonase is your friend!
7. No question! Thank you!
No answer? You’re welcome?
8. Queer, non-binary AFAB person here. Why am I obsessed with m/m erotica? It’s so fucking hot OMG.
My first thought — the quickie response that immediately came to my mind — would get me in trouble if I were to share it. (And like a lot of initial thoughts, it might not be the right one!) So, I’ll share my more considered second and third thoughts instead: If you’re into men/males/AMAB persons, you might enjoy m/m erotica for the same reason so many cishet men enjoy w/w erotica, e.g. more of what you came for. Additionally, m/m erotica — which is mostly created by and for AFAB persons (women, cis and trans, binary and non, etc.) — allows you to enjoy male sexual aggression without feeling complicit in the sexual objectification of women. In short, some find it easier to enjoy boys being boys when boys are doing boys.
Read the rest of this week’s column here! And this week on the Lovecast: A woman’s bisexual husband has been getting “gayer and gayer” to the point where he is only interested in her if she acts like a dude. Her friend is worried about her. How can this marriage work?
Are there any straight leather daddies out there who aren’t misogynistic creeps? This caller is NOT HAPPY.
On the Magnum, it’s a “What You Got” with psychology professor Dr. Justin Mogilski. His study on people who maintain friendships with their exes was misinterpreted and misused. He and Dan talk about why the myths persist, and about his new study looking at the ingredients that make open relationships work. LISTEN HERE!
