Hello, Trash Pandas! Welcome back to The Trash Report. I'm your girl, Elinor Jones. Hey, did you know that our Fall Arts Guide is out? It's true! So many smart people contributed insightful commentary, and yours truly also wrote some silly jokes in a special Arts Trash Report. "But Elinor," you say, "it's not technically Fall for another two weeks!" Actually, you would never say this, because you know and I know that nobody likes the person who clarifies when it's actually fall. It's like the primate exhibit at the Oregon Zoo—we can know that chimpanzees are apes and still be correct when we call them "cute monkeys!" Everybody knows tomatoes are technically a fruit. Certain things we let slide because we live in times that are hard enough without pedantic buzzkills policing our vocabulary.

Let's get to the trash, shall we?

Rock It, Man

In a conversation with Variety, Sir Elton John said it thought it was "brilliant' that Donald Trump lifted from John's discography in nicknaming Kim Jong Un "Little Rocket Man." John went on to say that the two had been friendly over the years, and Trump had attended many of his concerts. So I wondered, does this mean Elton could become the first high-profile musician to let Trump use his music, after having been cease-and-desisted from the likes of Guns N Roses, ABBA, Linkin Park, Neil Young, Tom Petty, Rihanna, Bruce Springsteen, and CCR, among others? LOL nope, apparently the Elton John camp put the kibosh on that back in 2016. Very like, we can hook up sometimes but definitely don't tell anyone we're dating vibes, which is funny in this instance only.

In other political news, some politicians are debasing themselves to align with Trump (Nikki Haley, RFK Jr.) while other high-profile Republicans are voicing their support of Kamala Harris. Liz Cheney said both she and her dad Dick Cheney would be voting for Kamala Harris, as did John McCain's son Jimmy. Meanwhile, McCain's other child, Meghan, said that she'd never do reality television because she might someday want to run for political office and reality television would be too dark a stain on a would-be politician. Does this girl remember that the whole reason Trump became a household name into the 200s was because of The Apprentice? Reality TV is pretty much part of the path. There's a high likelihood that there will be a sitting US Congressperson from Fuckboy Island in our lifetimes, so if Meghan should be embarrassed about anything it should be how bad her hair looked when she was on The View. 

Let's Hear It For the Boys

Non-toxic masculinity is having a moment, and I like it! From Doug Emhoff on his way to becoming the first First Gentleman/Nation's Top Wife Guy to Tim Walz loving his children—it's a nice change! And what a treat to get to add to the list actor Jeff Bridges. While doing press for the new Beetlejuice movie, Winona Ryder revealed that Bridges had refused to kiss her on the mouth during an audition years ago because of their their 20-year age difference. She said that he told her she was young enough to be his daughter and pecked her forehead instead.

Meanwhile, 64-year-old Sean Penn was papped fully unhinging his jaw in an attempt to swallow kissing his 20-something girlfriend, who is 40 years his junior. Blech. 

Back to the good guys: Winona Ryder also reflected on maybe getting accidentally legally married to Keanu Reeves 30 years ago, but they're fine with it, and still lovingly refer to each other as husband and wife in their texts. This is some legend shit right here. Honestly, who would even need an Oscar when you've got a forehead kiss from Jeff Bridges and texts from Keanu Reeves calling you "wife?" 

Local Trash

This isn't actually trash, but more about nice men: country music star Jelly Roll recently performed for inmates at the Oregon State Penitentiary, saying "every human deserves love no matter how bad of a decision they have made." That's really sweet and has inspired me to add a note to an earlier thing I wrote: I wish nothing but love for Meghan McCain despite what she decided to do with her hair when she was on The View.

I'm really glad that it's starting to feel like fall outside! Listen up, girlies: we gotta get those billionaires to stop flying their private jets to the store, because climate change is really fucking up our lives and if the oppressive heat wasn't already making my blood boil, this would do it. Even good jobs only give out so much vacation time, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna burn up all of it taking time off work because Portland public schools have to close because there's no AC (in most buildings, in certain neighborhoods) and it's 100 degrees in September. But hey, my daughter loved the complimentary cooling towel she was provided to wrap around her neck, and who am I to tell her it's not a fun toy, but rather an extremely grim sign of our times?

Wow, that got depressing! I'm sorry! I'll go find some inane TikTok to laugh at, and I hope you do the same. Have a great week where you do something that would make you worthy of being kissed on the forehead by Jeff Bridges, or at the very least, by me.

Warmly,