Happy Holidays, Trash Pandas! ‘Tis I, Elinor Jones, AKA the Ghost of Trash Past, here to guide you through 2024—a year that I could best describe as “a year that happened.”
January 8
I hate to break it to us, but despite anyone’s resolutions, this is probably not going to be a year when anybody becomes better. You know how in professional sports, when a bunch of the big names have retired or left and then it’s just rookies and no-names, they call it a “Rebuilding Year”? 2024 will be the opposite of that for us. A destroying year. All of us are going to get worse, it’s just a matter of how quickly, and how much.
February 12
I am all about the monoculture and I love to love things, but I am so tired of football and Taylor Swift! No more brain space; I simply cannot. I mean look: Am I glad she made it to the game in time after her Tokyo shows? Yes. Do I think this was a challenge or hardship for her when she has her own airplane and team of professionals to ensure it happens comfortably and efficiently? No. Am I impressed that her lipstick always looks so damn good? Yes. Did I like her pants? No, I hated them. Do I think it’s hilarious that Republicans hate Taylor Swift so much that they’d rather root for the team out of San Francisco than the corn-fed midwestern one? Yes, a thousand times yes, this is incredible, put it in my veins. Will I listen to her new album? OBVIOUSLY. But that’s it! No more thoughts!!
