Did you know I once applied for the Secret Service? (I was rejected for OH, so many obvious reasons.) HOWEVER! Now I don’t feel so bad because I know who I was up against: SHAPE-SHIFTING ALIENS. According to this hilariously (totally serious, guys!) report, a “reptilian shape-shifting humanoid alien” was spotted working on President Obama’s secret service detail during his 2012 APIAC speech. And he would’ve gotten away with it, too… if he hadn’t accidentally shape-shifted during the speech! WHOOPSIE-DAISY! (Obama’s gonna have his shape-shifting head for this!)

Obviously this is just another example of the Illuminati helping an alien race pull the strings of world power Jews 9/11 was an inside job. Also… FLUORIDE.

via

https://youtube.com/watch?v=kR13y76Itks

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

2 replies on “Another Reason Obama is Awesome: He Has His Own Shape-Shifting Alien Bodyguard!!”

  1. At least the shape-shifting Secret Service aliens don’t get it on with Colombian prostitutes. They’re perfectly happy making it with cans of Snow’s New England Clam Chowder.

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